this weekend has been horrible.
i wish that i could just run away and go drive somewhere for the weekend. i think i will have to soon.
m now is confused to if he wants a relationship or not because ours is getting serious. i can't believe it. he asked me to give him till this weekend to figure out what he wants. that is the VERY SHORT version of it.... there is so so much more that was said, but in short, thats the main thing.
we ended up going to the eminem concert on monday....which BTW was SO awesome.... and it was awkward between us... we talked later on, still accomplished nothing, i decided to stop talking to him about it until this weekend and see what happens. he came over my house last night and told me how he missed me..... such confusing signals. I am really at loss for what to do.
my theory is.... we dont get that much time to hang out because his schedule is crazy, two weeks in a row i gave him shit for going out late to the bar and not hanging out with me since i hadnt seen him. now, he is a very stubborn, selfish, italian man, and he usually gets what he wants and his ex let him do whatever and even though she would say no, he would do it anyway because she was still there waiting for him.
now.. i am not at all the same. and she never hung out wtih his friends, never did anything together....so he basically had a separate life without her allowing him to do whatever he wanted to. with me,,,, i hang out with his friends, we all go out together, we all are friends. so he has no separate life.
So he is starting to feel the pressure of a serious relationship and he cant just do shit to me like he could to her. So he needed to question our relationship since that was the only logical answer to him, that he needed to be single so he can go and do what he wants. Although he doesnt want to lose me at the same time. So there's a moral dilemma there.
Now I am waiting to figure out what he's going to do. He is so used to being treated like shit and doing whatever he wants and not feeling bad for it, that is completely different. I dont know... maybe he does need to be single. I really dont know.
It hurts. It hurts so bad because I allowed myself to open up to someone and feel those feelings I never wanted to feel again, and then I get hurt.
And here I am.
Any advice? I know that was the real short version with waaaay less details.
:(
9 comments:
if you haven't already, read "he's just not that into you". it changed my life for the better.
Oh NB.
This is tough.
You're going to get heartbroken-it's part of the deal. You know that.
At the end of the day-it's up to him. He has to appreciate the NB for the jewel she is, or he has to beat feet. If he's not smart enough to do that, he is not worth hanging on to.
You'll be fine-first, last, and always. If he doesn't see you are worth keeping, then he's too dumb to hang on to.
Men are scared of commnitment and it sounds like he was never held accountable for his actions. Men love to have their cake and eat it too! We as strong women have to let them know that we will still love them but also still demand the respect we deserve. Let him know that he can still have his alone time but also needs to acknowledge the fact that he is in a committed relationship and act accordingly.
You know, in situations like these there really isn't that is comforting to make the situation better. Unfortuantly, you are doing the right thing and giving him his space to "think about it".
Don't be upset with yourself for opening up to a guy you really like. Love and relationships require taking risks. You'll never find "the one" without risking opening up.
Not to be extrememly negative, but he sounds immature. He doesn't sound like he is ready for a relationship. He should still be allowed his night outs with the boys but at the same time consider your other half on the other days. It's a balance that he has to learn. And if he comes back to you saying he wants to make it work, great. But don't expect so much too soon. He has to adjust and you both have to compromise.
I hope it all works out. Keep us updated!!
My only advice would be don't back down on things that are important to you. In my last serious relationship I didn't stand up for what I needed. I was always afraid to put my foot down, afraid to rock the boat because I was afraid to risk losing him.
Hold your ground. If you think you will be with this person for a long time it's important to make very clear what is and is not acceptable early on.
Just know that it is my experience that guys are better boyfriends to girls that hold them at higher standard. Guys respect girls that respect themselves.
Best of luck.
I don't really have any advice, but imagine me giving you a big, comforting, hug.
I'd advise you not to put up with any sh*t from him. Be with someone who WANTS to be with you, no matter what. It's great that you've kept your friends and don't let any man take that away from you.
If you want to be with him tell him ensure that it's not one-sided and not only on his terms.
It always hurts in the beginning but then it will hurt less and less and you'll find yourself in a better situation.
Good luck x
From a man's point of view, and also from the point of view of someone who dashes out at them, it is clear he wants to do as he pleases and not have the responsibility of the commitment issue. Don't fall for the, "I miss you" clause there. It is insencere especially when his heart and his feelings are not in synch with yours.
Ahhh hunny, what a mess. I'm so sorry... I hope that he gets his head on straight and realizes how fabulous you are before it's too late.
I don't want to spit out a bunch of one-sided advice, but just remember: you are wonderful and deserve the best. If he isn't / won't give that to you, you deserve better. xoxox
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