Well.
I have come to the conclusion that running from your problems, will just make everything 100% worse. I will say that on Friday morning I hit an all time low in my life that I have never hit before. And probably the worst I have ever been before about someone and in a stupid situation. I guess I can recap it for you and tell you the outcome..but there was a lot of shit that happened in between that I just will try to recap it quickly, because it could be drawn out.
We decided to go to Vegas and drive S's roommate there, and I didnt know how to tell M. He was in bed with a pinched nerve and a fever and I felt so bad even telling him we were going to Vegas. He questioned me about it and at first I didn't tell him the truth, but about 3 minutes later I told him we were going, because I knew I couldn't lie about the whole thing to him.
He flipped out. S flipped out. Everyone was flipping out. It was a real bad scene. I shouldnt have lied but I was trying to protect him from feeling bad about me going there while he was sick in bed and then do something spiteful to me because i was going to be in Vegas.
It ended up being really really horrible between M's drama and him breaking up with me, again, and S being really upset and freaking out.... It was the worst. Then the drive back was even more horrible while S slept and I have to think about everything for 4 hours driving through a desert....so much for Vegas.
And the rest of the trip went by. I feel bad I wasnt a better guest, but it was really hard to be on my A game when everything went so horribly. On the bright side, S was a good host, we got some color and I got to see my friend in Beverly Hills and hang out. So it wasn't terrible, but the whole break up and drama was absolutely horrible. I caused more problems then good by going away.
M and I spoke yesterday, we came to drop off my key and me give him back his stuff. We talked it out. He apologized, I apologized, not too much was solved from it besides the fact that it isnt totally over. We cant continue from this point right now, there is too much non-trust and us not sure what we want to be and things like that... So I am taking it one day at a time and we'll see what happens. Whatever is meant to be will be and I don't know how things will end up, and we're not dating and we're not together and I don't know much beyond the point of knowing that my heart won't let him go yet.
Ugh.
9 comments:
Hey girl Im going through a similar situation if you ever wanna vent
omg seriously??? what is going on with u??
Oh no! This sounds like a horrible mess - I'm sorry to hear it. Hope things work out the way they need to.
So sorry to hear what you've been going through. Sending you good positive thoughts and empowerment.
Eeeww - drama. I get the whole not trusting and not knowing what you want your relationship to be. On the bright side, after a blow up like that comes the calm. Everything has a way of working out.
ok... this may be the worst advice ever so if it doesn't make sense/ the situation isn't what i think then just ignore it. butttt... the relationship i just got out of was so much like that. (jealously, stupid little fights, breaking up, etc) and regardless of how much i cared for him my doubts were there and all those little things overcame them. i had nights where i just layed on the bathroom floor and couldnt move i was so upset, so trust me, i know about heartache and how hard these time can be:( but i do know that if we would have stayed together it woudl ahve been worse and that after that initial (ok, im not going to lie... couple months of heartache) you get so much better. and i know you're so strong, but i also knwo it takes encouragmeent to see through your feelings. and people constantly told me to remember the bad things. that might sound contradictory to everything you've heard but when you break up you tend to think of those perfect moments and you somehow convinec yourself that thats what your relationship was, you know? so remember the bad when things get tough and use that to fuel your thoughts of finding someone so much better for you, if that's where you should end up:) xo
Positive vibes sent your way. So sorry to hear about this whole drama. :(
I'm really sorry to read this post. Oh yes, drama...I remember it. Candidly, it sucks and it hurts. However, you'll learn from it and if things are meant to be with you and your guy -- you'll work it out. Things are still fresh, give it some time... Keep your chin up and smile. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.
thank u for all ur kind words :)
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