Man, my life has been insane over the past month or two.
As you all know, we have been re-applying for our jobs and still have yet to find out if we have them or not. We will most likely find out tomorrow and/or Friday. And then, T and I have broken up and are in the process of moving out. The mental stress and draining this is taking on me is huge. I might need to go to a spa for a week or something and get my brain and heart fixed after this.
My friend and I went to look at an apartment the other day and we really liked it. We applied for it, they approved us and we are thinking of taking it starting October. I told my friend C today that i really am all over the place and i would like to get the apartment but if like 1/2 through September i decide against it, that she cant be mad at me and id pay her back the $75 for the apt. fee.. because i dont know what im doing right now, i cant even decide what to eat for food right now, let alone commit to an apartment for a year. i def dont want to let it go, but i cant think straight and i dont know if thats the best choice and i dont know if im going to be able to figure it out right this second in the mind set that i am in and i dont know if im going to be able to get over this fast and i dont know how i feel about living with someone else right now after tom, bc its depressing and im so upset. So she understands, and says not to worry about it. It sucks, I really hate letting people down and I feel like that is all i have been doing EVERY SINGLE DAY.
T and I sat down and talked finally last night and we talked about a lot of stuff. There is just so much stuff, I dont even want to put it up here because its long. In the end, its over, there is nothing I can do right now to fix it. We are moving out by the 1st. He has made up his mind. He is really angry and upset right now. So to just leave him alone. I told him I couldnt leave him alone until he gave me his exact answer and he did. And now I have to just leave it be.. I can't force it anymore.
Maybe he will talk to me again one day. Maybe. Who knows? I can't keep crying all the time. I need to go to a happier place.
I don't know if that is moving in with C. I have no idea. Who knows?
Right now all i know is that i have to finish moving out, I am losing my boyfriend and best friend, everyone is losing their jobs all around me, I may or may not have a job and if i DO have a job who knows what it will be and where, and this all is happening by Sunday.
Holy fuck.
