Operation New Friends

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Isn't it nice to always believe that your friends will always be there for you no matter what?

Wouldn't it be the perfect world if no one ever moved away and you all lived in the same neighborhood?

Or wouldn't it be great if people never got jealous?

All of these things are just wishes that you think of when you're in middle school or high school or you just met new friends in college. I have never had luck with friends, especially those who were girls, until I went to college.

I wasn't one to have lots of close friends, but many acquaintances. But when I did find those girls who I actually liked, I wanted to keep them around for good. 

It's understandable but also unfortunate how you for so many years can be so close to people but once you get some miles inbetween you, its like cell phones, facebook, email, letters, etc. don't exist anymore. We are literally not in the age anymore where you just cannot contact someone; even if they move to another country. It is quite literally as simple as downloading a free chat app on your iphone. 

Twitter, gchat, gmail, skype, whatsapp, tellatalk, google talk, text messages, emails, facebook, facebook chat.  I mean, I could really keep going for hours with the amount of free shit that is out there for social media in order to be in contact with people.

The real point is: can you take the 2 seconds out of your life to ask a friend, someone who was your best friend, that you used to talk to everyday, how they are? And I am not even talking about a phone call here, because quite honestly, who really makes phone calls these days anymore? I have tried to think of one of my girl friends that I could actually call on the phone and they would answer the first time I called.... and I come up with zero. How sad. 

The meaning behind my post here is that when life changes, so does your friendship. When things don't go exaclty how everyone would like and not everyone is happy, it can really changes things in friendships. For example, money can make and break friendships. Especially when living with people and money is involved. You would think that it really wouldn't matter because hey, she is your best friend or they are your friends, but in actuality, it is not quite that easy.

There are so many factors in life that will bring friendships to a lower level. I have noticed that with my friends that have kids and move away, they tend to get very selfish. The world really does only revolve around them, their family and their kids. And maybe when I have my daughter I will start to see where they are coming from, but in the mean time? I really don't understand. 

Then there are the distances between people that causes friendships to decrease. Or the lack of contact. The facts: It is not hard to send a text message to your friend and ask how life is. It takes MAYBE 1 second to put in their name and type "hey how are you" and then it's on them to respond. Maybe even showing that you care about someone to see if they are alive if you haven't heard from them in awhile. And then maybe I see things completely different from some people who I thought were my friends.

In the end, having all these friends, sharing all these memories and experiences before you are married and entering into your own family and focusing on that, those friends who can't deal with being apart of that life, will disappear. 

I have been searching my whole entire life for a friend that would be my older sister, my best friend, like in all the girly movies on TV. And the ones I found have come and gone and then the ones who I thought I could depend on, have changed when I recently got married and now having a baby. I guess maybe I expect too much out of people, but if my "best friend" was pregnant and you are such a wonderful friend, wouldn't you maybe offer to help them move? Or offer to hang out? Or text and say how are you feeling? 

Like I said, I guess i expect too much.

I am lucky to have married someone who shares these mutual feelings with me and he is my best friend. Of course it is not the same thing as having a girl I can go shopping with or share stories about my husband when I am mad at him with, but I definitely got lucky on that end.

Now as I am 5 months pregnant and beginning to plan my wedding... this is when it really shows WHO are your REAL friends and actually want apart of this new exciting life you are creating for yourself, and then who are the people who just want to be there for the free cake and free alcohol. 

In the end, the most important part of life, is your family. Now that I have made my own little family, my relentless efforts that I took to make sure my friends knew I cared about them and how much I would do for them, is changing, while I am trying to do what's best for me.

What's best for me, and what's in the best interest of my friends who are not starting a family, are totally different things. While I can respect that, it is seemingly difficult for people who used to be my drinking buddies. Totally understandable, but it's time to find people who have the same values in life as my husband and I.

That being said.... how do people in their late 20's find new friends!?

Rough.

Overwhelmed

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This picture describes how I feel in many different ways.

I am definitely stuck and overwhelmed. Almost like I should be going somewhere and I am actually going no where and it is taking way too damn long.

Between battling with the unemployment department, working too bad much, trying to take 2 online classes (which let me tell you is a horrible horrible idea in the summer and i will never do it again and am probably dropping 1 if i can avoid any sort of fee), and wanting to be outside at all times, and my friends just sucking ass, and living too far away from the guy im seeing......ugh!!!!!!!!

I am stupid for thinking I could do online classes when all i want to do is hang out and be outside. I was inside the house all fucking winter, I dont want to be online in my house in the summer! Dumb idea. But then, that also screws me for Costa Rica because the course is online and I just am not sure when I am going to take it and then online classes I wanted to take in Costa Rica which I cannot do now because I honestly suck at doing classes online. I love to blog, but the last thing I want to do is do school work online. I can't learn anything. The only thing I learn is how easily distracted I am.

Ughhhh, I am so frustrated.

How do you handle your frustration?! I need some ideas.

California Bound!

hi Wednesday, are we onto Friday yet?

photo credits: Laura Taylor

I am going to California!!!

Buying my ticket on Friday. My friend lives out there in Santa Cruz so I am going to fly out there Oct 21-25th and hang out. I CANNOT WAIT. I have never been to California and I have been DYING to go there for ever. I am extremelyyyyyy excited, you don't even know! BALLER!!!!!!!


Does anyone have any great places in the San Francisco - Santa Cruz area that I should definiltey go to? Coffee shops? Stores? Waterfalls? Anything awesome.. leave me a note!
I hope I will actually get back on the plane.... lol

-I hope you enjoyed my Jay story... that is like my infamous story.. so horrible yet such a crazy learning experience. I will never do THAT! again.
I am getting all these great emails from everyone about their stories and thanks again for sharing. I am happy to share! I love finding photos to try to capture the feelings.. its really hard!

-I am really excited for tomorrow's interactive thursday... lame, i know.. but I have a GREAT question inspired by my Irish friend Conor so hopefully you will like it!

Nothing really else going on...

-I hung out with a old friend of mine that was sort of my hook up buddy a while back (before T) and we went out to dinner and had a good time. He totally caught me off guard and kissed me and I was shocked! I was like "P you cannot DO that!" First of all you suck at it anyway, and secondly I am not ready for those motions in the road yet! I haven't seen you in how long?! Ugh, annoying. Kinda ruined the rest of the night.. I met some of his other friends who were cool but I was definitely not feeling the scene I was in.
Will not be doing that again! I felt bad, he kept asking me again and again... I figure, I hang out with him, I get it over with, the end. I should have known!

- I am in the process of paying off my credit card in full so that by the time November 1st comes and we are really moving into this apartment, I will only have one credit card left to pay! Woo hooooooo :)

-Did I mention the apartment?! If I didn't then my girl C and I will be moving into a 2 floor townhouse back in New York (not city) November 1st. It is a little more than we were hoping to spend, but honestly it's worth it. There was no security deposit, they allow pets (she has a dog, i have a cat) and let me tell you! There are like NO apartments that allow animals anywhere around here for under $2,000 a month. So this was an awesome deal. Heat and hot water included, parking, laundry. I mean, baller, is that only way I can describe it. The place is brand new. I am really excited.

NOT that I mind living at home, I like it.. its cool to be with my parents and my sister, but its just so far from everything.. I only have like a couple of friends that live in Connecticut with me and everything else is in New York.. my work, my other friends, my gym, my shelter, my school... its like driving back and forth every single day is getting really old real fast. I fill up my gas tank like every other day! And it is not cheap! Granted it is not as expensive as an rent, but still... I have to drive EVERY WHERE. I mean, barely anyone will drive up to see me, so its like I am always going to have to see them.

And then when I want to go out with my friends, I always have to drive home because it is such a pain in the ass to stay at someones house during the week.. yeah maybe I shouldn't go out during the week, but hey, I am trying to be as busy as possible so that I don't think of T or try to call him or text or ANYTHING.. therefore I cannot stay home!

so yeah, that is my life up to now. We will see how this weekend goes... I have GREY'S ANATOMY STARTING TOMORROWWWWW!!! HELLO! Cannot wait! And I have some people coming over on Friday and going to the city on Saturday, shelter on Sunday. Busy Busy...

eek... do I ever sleep?

Trouble in Paradise

I hate trouble. Especially relationship trouble.

And that is where I am now.

Last night the boyfriend and I talked about our relationship and how some things weren't working out. For the most part we get along fine and there aren't any problems and we are happy together having a good time. But there are some key issues that we have. One being that we are completely different and we both see situations COMPLETELY differently. Usually, he sees them correctly and I don't. Once he points them out, I can see where he is coming from and I can't understand WHY I dont think of that first. It is almost annoying that I can't think of the situation like that first.

Let me give some examples to better explain myself and this situation. For instance, we went out to dinner the other night. Not a big deal, we are not cheap, we like to go out and all that jazz. But, the background scenario, we just got back from Costa Rica, we are planning to go to Peru at the end of May, and basically, we need to save ever penny for this trip. But we still go out to dinner, because I suggest that we go, and he doesn't disagree with me. So we are spending money on stuff we don't need. Or we get take out delivered to our house and that's another amount of money that we didn't need to spend either. His dilemma is that he is saving money and then by the end of the weekend, it's all gone because we are spending it like crazy. And I totally see his point; but AFTER the fact that it was mentioned.

Let me just tell you, I SUCK at saving money. It is like nearly impossible for me to do. I have 2 credit card bills, cell phone bill, cable/internet bill, heat & electricity bill, school tuition bill, rent bill; it NEVER ends! Although we do split everything mostly, it's just a money pit to have an apartment or basically live in this area. Plus I do like to buy some new clothes or something. BUT I must admit that I have been really good, I barely have bought anything this entire year so far -- and that is good for me, because last year I went on a rampage.

The boyfriends point is that I don't see it, and I usually make the plans for him without even asking him and if he doesn't want to do them, he feels like a dick because I already made the plans, so he has to go along with them. My point of view on that is that the plans are usually with our friends we hang out with all the time, so I didn't really think it was a big deal ---which its not he is making the point that we need to save money--- but he is saying that he never gets to even attempt to make the plans. So I never really saw it like that until he said something. So I really need to be more, accommodating I guess is the word and not make all the plans. But sometimes I feel like if i dont make the plans, THERE WON'T BE ANY! And I really don't like sitting around and doing nothing on my only days off... So I mean I guess I need to stop being the plan maker a few times.

Another part of the conversation is that we are never affectionate towards each other. Which is true. We have been dating for 3 years now and it has grown less and less kissy kissy and hugs and sitting on his lap and cuddling watching tv, and things like that. And I dont mean that we need to be PDA all the time and everywhere, but like holding hands while walking somewhere or kisses randomly, or something like that would be nice. And I am at fault too because I don't do this either. I dont know why, I guess sometimes we're either too busy or our couch is too small. I know those are excuses but it is true. Another thing we need to work on ASAP.

I feel like maybe I have been selfish. That I actually care more about what I want to do than what he wants to do. And that is REALLY SHITTY. I don't want to be that person. I am not a selfish person. But I guess I have been selfish without even realizing it. And that needs to change.

What I have taken out of this conversation, is that we need to work on a bunch of things and that I alone need to work on things too.

WE need to work on..

1. Being more affectionate -- love!! kisses!! hugs! hand holding! It involves these things and we miss them! We need them back!

2. Spending more time together -- outside, walking, going to the park, sitting on the porch, watching a movie. Now that its nice outside we'll be able to do things like this, its really hard in the winter to do anything that is outdoors. Plus we spend too much time infront of the computer and the television --they are sucking away our lives.

3. Saving Money. We are trying to go away for two weeks in exactly ONE month from now and we need serious $$$ for that trip.. I really hope we can do this. Plus we have to buy the plane tickets and the hotel and the car.... AND pay rent. Ugh!

4. Communicating more with each other and talking about things instead of just brushing them off until a later date

I need to work on..

1. Being more affectionate and loving; make the effort!!!!

2. Letting the boyfriend make the plans for once -- i think i can deal with this especially if my reward is going on vacation in a month.

3. Stop spending money and save it. Bring lunch from home, NO NEW CLOTHES, NO NEW BAGS, no pedicures/manicures, stop buying stuff from Target that I don't need

4. Save money!!!!!!!! seriously.

5. Stop being selfish.

6. Make an effort to fix these things

I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!! We are GOING to Peru! Our relationship WILL be better. I WILL work on myself and thinking before I act (since I have serious problems with that).

Why? Because I love him. That's why. And I will NOT let someone so good, fall through the cracks. Because he is my best friend. And he deserves it!

"They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone."

Advice is welcome :)

To do List of 2009

I have been thinking about things I would like to have accomplished by the end of 2009. I accomplished a lot last year, so I would like to do the same again this year!

1. Get a new and BETTER job.

2. Go on 2 big vacations. Costa Rica (i am already going :) and Europe. Plus California and New Hampshire.

3. Move to a bigger apartment around September; and/or different state and get a PUPPY!

4. Pay off one my Juniper credit card.

5. Take the GMATs so I can finish applying to Baruch.

6. Get an article published in a magazine.

7. Take and conquer and online writing class.

8. Go sky diving.

9. Lose 15 pound.

10. SAVE MONEY!!!!!

11. Control my shopping habit.

12. Spend more time with my ladies and my family.

13. Acquire more fashionable pieces.


..... That's about all i can think of for now.. I will add on i am sure.


Happy St. Pattys Day Bitches ;)