Post Winter Break Teacher Blues

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It's definitely been one of those crazy weeks where you come back from winter break of being off for two weeks and need to get readjusted to real life again.

I have been in definite need of this Friday alllllllll week long! Although now being pregnant Friday's have a different meaning for me. It's not going out and getting smashed or seeing my friends. Now its about going out to dinner and seeing a movie or making dinner and watching tv with the husband. Such a crazy difference. To more correctly state my life prior to marriage, I would usually be bartending tonight and making good money but this would be my 6am wake up and 5am go to sleep night where I am working almost 20 hours in a day.  I do not wish to go back to that life!

Happy Friday..... Counting down the long hours!!!!

Ps... my belly has gotten much bigger this week, actually really it seems to have grown humongous over night. Is this what happens at 5 months? Your stomach grows over night?!

Engagement Photo Sneak Peak

This was not one of the ones we picked, but you get the idea :)

Married Life 101

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No one ever tells you what you need to do when you get married. Or how things change. And the compromises you will have to  make. Or what it really means to be actually married to someone.

Without all the glitz and glam of getting married, were you really ever prepared for what happened once that all ended?

I have been the single girl who did what she wanted and was rude and mean to whoever I wanted to and got away with it because my mind set was I didn't need them as much as they thought they needed me. Clearly I have been hurt before and that was the aftermath! But it worked out well for me for so long, that it took a while (and if you asked my husband) the transformation is still happening.

I must admit, there are times when I can go into being very rude and don't mean to but these pregnancy hormones are worse then normal. And it tends to be harder for me to apologize or take constructive criticism well. But then again, I am female. And pregnant. And hormonal. And psycho Jen comes out more often then not.

There are so many things that you wouldn't think normally that you need to start thinking about once you get married.

For instance, do I change my taxes to married instead of single? Yes.  And how? Well, I am still in the process of doing this, since I am newly married and just learned about these things recently!

How do I change my name and when and where and with who!? All questions I have and still haven't really had answered so it still has yet to be done.

Get a joint bank account? We did, but for savings and bills purposes. We both have our own as well as a joint. It works out well for now. Except around Christmas... because noisy preggo lady over here wants to know where he is shopping and now can't find out.

Do you get to wear a wedding ring if you haven't had an actual wedding yet but you are married? That is really your call. My husband wears one, and I wear the engagement ring; for now.

How long is too long after you are engaged/married/pregnant to have a wedding? Well since I never do anything in the right order as anyone who knows me can adhere to that, we still have not had a wedding yet. People ask me why bother? Or why wait until the baby is born? Or why not do it right after the baby is born? Well... ask yourself the same question but in real life terms: Do you want to still be fat when you have to wear a wedding dress and look at these pictures for the rest of your life?
Answer: I think not! Do you want to be able to drink at your wedding and enjoy it and not have everyone feeling bad for you because you are 7 months pregnant and can't stand up straight? Answer: No thanks.

So my initial thought is wait until June 2015. The baby will be 1 years old and can be the flower girl and I will look just as nice as I did before the pregnancy. And I can drink.  Three favorable things for me. AND then we can leave said daughter with her grandparents and say SEE YA! and off to our honeymoon we go.

You can't do or have any of that with a 2 month old!

Who does the laundry? Who cooks? Who cleans? Who leaves clothes all over the house? Who picks it up? The answer is usually me. Except he does most of the laundry and he leaves clothes all over the house. If you asked me this last year, I would not have said me to any of it. I didn't cook before we moved in together and got married. That was a huge NO for me. And here I am, cooking almost every night. Who thought it could be so easy?

Married life is hard. The glitz and glam is the nice pretty part. The rest is the tough dirty hard work. But it is worth every minute of it for me. I learn something new about him and myself every day.

And compromise. What I am not good at. Compromise and pick your battles. I am not quite there yet but I am focusing on both of those aspects.

More about crazy preggo Jen to come.

It's a GIRL!!!!

Due June 1, 2014!!!!

I just love this picture for so many reasons.  Especially the arrow between the legs! Ha ha 

We found out right before Christmas. What an awesome surprise. 

Names we are liking .....

Daniela Josephine

Hailey Josephine

Gabriela Josephine 

Any suggestions? We are on the perfect name look out! 

Teaching in the South Bronx

This is absolutely true.

Whoever said teaching was an easy job because you got so many vacations, was a complete idiot.

Teaching is not an easy job.

In fact, it is one of the hardest, most stressful, and time consuming jobs I have ever had in my entire life.

Not only do I have to be at work at 7am and don't leave work until 4:45, but then I go home or on the weekend and I write lesson plans, I grade papers, and I have to enter grades in. Or do whatever crazy thing my administration needs me to do.

I have the privilege of teaching 5th grade ELA and Social Studies in the South Bronx. Don't get me wrong; I am completely grateful for getting this teacher job. When people say in the teaching world, the only way you will get a job is if you know someone, and they are ABSOLUTELY 100% correct. I would have never found this school if I hadn't went to college with one of the administrators. I lucked out. That is for sure.

But then step into my classroom and take the crazy children that are in it, and every day I wonder, did I really luck out? Or am I totally insane for trying to teach these kids anything. 

Some of them are incredibly smart; I was even surprised. And sometimes, with the attitudes that come out of these 5th grade kids, I truly forget that they are 9 and 10 years old and are in 5th grade. Their smart ass comments can drive someone completely insane. But then again, in the South Bronx, you have to take it with a grain of salt.

These kids lives are like no other school I have worked at. I am used to the rich white kids in upper Westchester. And if you have never heard of Westchester before, it's a ritzy area that has money. Switch over to the South Bronx, it is like a completely different environment.

I can say my first week starting there was the hardest week of my life. I was newly pregnant and my stress level was on 100. I was fighting for respect with 42 5th graders and they absolutely did not want to give to me. The teacher before me I found out was a straight up evil woman and she would make fun of them in front of the whole class and make them feel bad. I was not about that life. So now trying to win over these kids and get them to listen and stop talking was very, very, verrrry difficult.

At times I was so overwhelmed not knowing the ways of the class, not knowing their names, or their habits, or what we were teaching (which I have to create the whole history curriculum --- no big deal! --- and then time manage correctly so I am not doing work until 8pm at night, and then make sure that when the principal walked in the room these kids weren't going psycho. 

So, you can say I my plate FULL! I never thought it was easy, but in grad school, they don't tell you or teach you these kind of things. No one can prepare you for what you will deal with in the South Bronx. I don't actually think my school or my kids are dangerous, but getting out early on Halloween because its gang initiation day...... that's pretty new to me.

Or kids coming in with strange cuts on their arms or faces... also new to me. 

In my opinion, they are in school for too long. Our charter school hours are way too long and by 9th period at 4:00, these kids are checked out. They are also in a school with high schoolers! I think 5th graders should be still in elementary school - not with seniors who are 18!! It just really changes how they act and making them grow up fast.

On the other side of that, these kids are taking public transportation like city buses and subways to get to the school, all by themselves. They are 9 and 10 years old walking alone early in the morning and at night being with strange people on the buses and subways and at that age, forcing them to be grown up.

These kids needs to know what's happening at all times and they have to worry about getting jumped on the way home or shot! Those are things that kids at the ages of 9 and 10 shouldn't have to worry about. Ever.

This is just the beginning of my stories coming out of the South Bronx. Overall, as much as I hate my kids, I like them too. They frustrate the hell out of me, but I want to give them a fighting chance. I have a lot of knowledge to share, and even if in their other schools before me they haven't learned shit, at least I know that coming out of my classroom, they will know how to write an essay, and they will know the 50 states in the US, and they CAN spell words and they CAN be responsible. 

I will not fail them. 

This is my chance to change lives. 

Operation New Friends

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Isn't it nice to always believe that your friends will always be there for you no matter what?

Wouldn't it be the perfect world if no one ever moved away and you all lived in the same neighborhood?

Or wouldn't it be great if people never got jealous?

All of these things are just wishes that you think of when you're in middle school or high school or you just met new friends in college. I have never had luck with friends, especially those who were girls, until I went to college.

I wasn't one to have lots of close friends, but many acquaintances. But when I did find those girls who I actually liked, I wanted to keep them around for good. 

It's understandable but also unfortunate how you for so many years can be so close to people but once you get some miles inbetween you, its like cell phones, facebook, email, letters, etc. don't exist anymore. We are literally not in the age anymore where you just cannot contact someone; even if they move to another country. It is quite literally as simple as downloading a free chat app on your iphone. 

Twitter, gchat, gmail, skype, whatsapp, tellatalk, google talk, text messages, emails, facebook, facebook chat.  I mean, I could really keep going for hours with the amount of free shit that is out there for social media in order to be in contact with people.

The real point is: can you take the 2 seconds out of your life to ask a friend, someone who was your best friend, that you used to talk to everyday, how they are? And I am not even talking about a phone call here, because quite honestly, who really makes phone calls these days anymore? I have tried to think of one of my girl friends that I could actually call on the phone and they would answer the first time I called.... and I come up with zero. How sad. 

The meaning behind my post here is that when life changes, so does your friendship. When things don't go exaclty how everyone would like and not everyone is happy, it can really changes things in friendships. For example, money can make and break friendships. Especially when living with people and money is involved. You would think that it really wouldn't matter because hey, she is your best friend or they are your friends, but in actuality, it is not quite that easy.

There are so many factors in life that will bring friendships to a lower level. I have noticed that with my friends that have kids and move away, they tend to get very selfish. The world really does only revolve around them, their family and their kids. And maybe when I have my daughter I will start to see where they are coming from, but in the mean time? I really don't understand. 

Then there are the distances between people that causes friendships to decrease. Or the lack of contact. The facts: It is not hard to send a text message to your friend and ask how life is. It takes MAYBE 1 second to put in their name and type "hey how are you" and then it's on them to respond. Maybe even showing that you care about someone to see if they are alive if you haven't heard from them in awhile. And then maybe I see things completely different from some people who I thought were my friends.

In the end, having all these friends, sharing all these memories and experiences before you are married and entering into your own family and focusing on that, those friends who can't deal with being apart of that life, will disappear. 

I have been searching my whole entire life for a friend that would be my older sister, my best friend, like in all the girly movies on TV. And the ones I found have come and gone and then the ones who I thought I could depend on, have changed when I recently got married and now having a baby. I guess maybe I expect too much out of people, but if my "best friend" was pregnant and you are such a wonderful friend, wouldn't you maybe offer to help them move? Or offer to hang out? Or text and say how are you feeling? 

Like I said, I guess i expect too much.

I am lucky to have married someone who shares these mutual feelings with me and he is my best friend. Of course it is not the same thing as having a girl I can go shopping with or share stories about my husband when I am mad at him with, but I definitely got lucky on that end.

Now as I am 5 months pregnant and beginning to plan my wedding... this is when it really shows WHO are your REAL friends and actually want apart of this new exciting life you are creating for yourself, and then who are the people who just want to be there for the free cake and free alcohol. 

In the end, the most important part of life, is your family. Now that I have made my own little family, my relentless efforts that I took to make sure my friends knew I cared about them and how much I would do for them, is changing, while I am trying to do what's best for me.

What's best for me, and what's in the best interest of my friends who are not starting a family, are totally different things. While I can respect that, it is seemingly difficult for people who used to be my drinking buddies. Totally understandable, but it's time to find people who have the same values in life as my husband and I.

That being said.... how do people in their late 20's find new friends!?

Rough.

2013: The Year of Transformation

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It has been quite awhile since I have sat near a computer and actually wrote anything meaningful besides writing lesson plans for work. I have definitely neglected a talent and hobby of mine that I was incredibly in love with over the past four years. But life got in the way and caused me to have to find different ways to make money, which was bartending while trying to finish my master's as fast as possible. So, if you have ever bartended before, you can imagine the hours that I was working in order to make the most amount of money as possible.
And I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. It was an amazing experience and I met and worked with so many people and learned a lot of management skills and forced myself to multi-task going to school to finish my master's, working at many different schools being a substitute, and bartending as many nights of the week as possible to pay my rent, and inevitably trying to have a social life! So, my hobby of writing, really got pushed to the very very end of my list of important things in my life.

As I enter 2014, my life is 100% different from how I started off 2013. If I were to have told myself in 2013 that in 2014 my life would be like this, I would have laughed in my face! But it has been the worst, best, hardest, most incredible experience ever in my life and I would literally change nothing or want it to be any different.

I can never just change one thing about my life. It usually has to be like if I change one, then everything else needs to change as well. Every year I think has been the hardest year of my life and I have accomplished one great thing and so forth, but 2013, this year has been the BIG year for me.

2013:
Graduated, received my master's and got 3 New York State Teaching Certificates
Went to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Met the love of my life
Rented a shore house
Went on vacation to Europe: Austria, Germany, Italy
Got engaged
Found out I was having a baby girl
Got Married
Moved into a house with my husband
Got my first 5th grade teacher job in the Bronx

See what I mean, I don't do anything just half assed. I make sure its all the way!
My life has went from being the single girl who lived with her friends and was just making it by from bartending and working at shitty preschool or substitute jobs to being a grown up.

My life that lays ahead of me is so exciting, I wish this baby would get here now. Collecting girls clothes and getting ready for June 2014 is like the countdown of a lifetime.

I also never thought I would find the man I would love, marry, and have a child with, ever in my life. I literally couldn't have ever been so lucky. I actually still can't believe I got so lucky. After all of these years of having such shit luck, it finally changed.

And here's to the transformation that is about to happen in life.

And as for transformation, I will be focusing on my new life: Army Wife, Teacher, Mom to Be, House maker, life.   Ahhhhhhhh who would have ever thought!!!!!!

Stay tuned.