It's Really Spring!

I have so many things to be extremely happy hour right about now. I am slightly nervous that something will go wrong because I am living on clouds.

~Let's start with how amazingly wonderful the weather has been! Capri's, skirts, sandals, tank tops, tanning.... this is MY kind of weather! I love it more than anything! If the beach was semi closer, I would have went there this weekend.

~Baseball has started again and that means more of my Yankees to watch and cheer for :) And Yankee games to go to... which are SO much fun!

~Being friends again with V. We have been talking about the past and all the crazy things that have happened to us and how our lives have always coincided with each others, it is incredible to realize how much I actually missed that.

~I can listen to reggae music again and not be completely sad because of T! There are some songs that I choose not to listen to, BUT I must say, they played T's song, Bodyguard by Steel Pulse, at my birthday party in the bar in Jamaica and I was like oh shit.... but I was okay! The only time i got emo was the first night we were there and I think it's because I was over tired. I had such a great crew of girls with me on my vacation that I couldn't be emo anymore after that. They made me trip amazing. And I wish I was still there.

~Hanging out with all of my friends from work and going to happy hours like every other day. It is just awesome. I work with such awesome people and it makes me happy to hang out with them as much as possible!

~Sleeping with the windows open ;)

~Seeing the green spurts on the greens and the flowers coming up

~Going to outside bars!

~DRIVING HOME AND IT BEING LIGHT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are you happy about today?

This Shouldn't Be That Hard

How is being single so hard? Between the having emotions for more than one person and the being ditched and let down and the not being able to hold anyone to anything... it's fucking stressful!!! I don't understand how people do it!! I have never been good at this but I guess I am working on it... apparently I am very very bad at this.

I apparently make people feel 'trapped' so then I end up having to back off and I can't be myself,,, and that fucking sucks too.

I mean i guess i do it to myself because I made the "rules" but since I am such an emotional mess, it really wouldnt do anyone any good to be in a real relationship with me anyway.. I mean I still am not completely over T yet.. I can't even try to give someone the full 100% they deserve. It is not fait to them.

I dont know what the hell I want. Is that bad? Should I? Things have gotten weird with people so I really don't know what to make of that or how to take it. The only thing I could think of to do what to step back and be less 'needy'. I didn't realize I was like that... but it is good to know, so I don't continue to be like that.

And then you have others, who are around and around and then Gone! Like what?! Did i miss something? Who knows... It sucks to see them and wonder wtf happened and is it going to happen again or was that it?

AH.

I think i need to just do me.... it's so hard... i am very much a person that likes to be around people all the time. But it looks like my options are very slim.

In Time.

There are a lot of things that have been bothering me that I can't really write about on here, which makes me even more bothered. So I am going to write in brief about it but you'll get the picture..here is one thing.

I sent out an email to V (the ex best friend) on Saturday night. I don't know what really made me do it but I have been deciding for a while and I kept it short, basically just apologizing for going down the path that I did and leaving her behind and picking T over her. She hasn't written back yet. I dont know why I chose that night to write her back.. I have a slight idea what why, but thats neither here nor there.

I dont know know how i feel about her writing back... i dont know what to expect. I know that it would be crazy and so different.. and probably natural at the same time. She was literally like my sister. And the three of us... we were like sisters as well...

I honestly miss it a lot.. but at the same time, my real fear was what if T wanted me back and then I became friends with V again? Then what?

That's why I waited so long, its been almost 7 months since T and I have been together and spoken to each other....and as much as it makes me horribly sad to say, he probably will never talk to me again and I have finally begun to accept it and let it sink in.

So there you have it... i did it...

..and now we wait.

Ask Away!!

a lot of people started these things called formsprings where their bloggers can ask them questions easily and i have been thinking about doing one for a while or something along the lines, so i finally had enough time to make one.

so ask away! i have no nothing to hide... i can be brutally honest, sure.

sooo..... click here and ask me whatevers ya like.

whatcha wanna know???

ps..if u started one, leave a link on here so myself and other can go to your pages too!

The Real Me Isn't Quite..

.. ____________________ (fill in the blank).

trying to hold myself back from doing things that i want to do is really obnoxious and hard. but i know i have to do it.

i don't know how to hold back when I am supposed to. I am not good at this single thing. I am not sure how I am supposed to act and how I am not. I try to play it day by day but apparently I can't handle it and I end up taking over a situation and turning it in a direction it shouldn't go in.

And here i am. I know i am being vague but I don't want to/can't get into details. sorry about that.

i am just frustrated.

and this is why i can't become un-frustrated, because even though I am leaving out some details in here, there are so many details i am missing, and can only use my imagination to fill in the blanks, and when i do that, i am for the most part, always always wrong.

The Ex Best Friend

Lately I have been considering reconnecting with my ex best friend, V. I don't know if that is a good or bad idea. I miss her and I feel like there really was no reason for her to actually be out of my life in the first place, but I really don't know if after almost 3 years if she would take me back into her life... or if she even has any place in mine..

Let me give you some background information on the situation with me and V. We met in college and became instantly friends. Me, V and Cherry were best friends --the 3 B's if you will.

We lived in the dorm together and then V and I moved into two different apartments together. We basically spent every waking minute together for over 3 years. I even went to her home country, Venezuela, with her and met her entire family.

I have so many memories that have included her in my life and for me not to be able to even contact her anymore really sucks.

So when we were living together in 2003, I started to date T (yes, the T) for a couple months in the summer. Since I was so not ready for the relationship he wanted, I broke up with him, but him and V had already sort of established something..... and at that point I didn't care because I was onto someone new anyway. So a year later they started to date when we had moved into our new apartment. He literally moved in with us and they dated for a couple of months and then she went back to her ex, cheated on T, and left him completely heart broken.

Now there I was to pick up the pieces and help him find somewhere else to live, being the nice friend that I was.

V and I moved out from this apartment and by this time, things had already fallen apart with her and Cherry, so they were no longer friends anymore. In 2006 I started dating T again because V had basically fallen off the face of the earth from the guy she was dating and T just happened to be around so we started hanging out. Things got more serious, and let me tell you, T HATED V. With a passion. They weren't allowed to be in the same place at the same time. So this caused a serious, serious problem for me.

I was caught in a really bad position. V and I had stopped speaking due to an incident where I couldn't invite her to my birthday and it ended up being really fucked up on my end. And i regret it.

In 2007, I missed her sooo much that I sent her a message and we met up and talked and started talking all of the time. T finally decided that he couldn't handle it anymore and didn't want me to be friends with her anymore. He told me to choose between him and her. Then I was REALLY caught in a bad situation. At this point I was LIVING with T in an apartment and I didn't know what to do.

In the end, I chose T.

I don't regret my choice. I did love T. Very very much so. But I never would let him live down that he made me chose between him and my best friend. I thought that was completely unfair and horrible and so uncalled for.

But that was a choice I had to make regardless of how fucked up it was.

And here I am.

I am not with T anymore and I am wondering if it is fucked up of me to even try to contact her? Would it even be worth it? Is it just horrible of me to want to?

I am not sure..... I am reaching out to ask my readers what they think because the people I would ask know us, so I want to see what other outside perspectives have to say.

Have a Lazy Weekend..

Lots in store for this weekend...

- out with the girls
- partying for my moms birthday
- sleeping in
- cleaning
- going to the city or dinner with the roomie for Valentine's Day
- going to the dog shelter
- blogging
- reading
- more sleeping

I do not however have Monday off :( But I DO however get paid tomorrow so I am VERY excited now I can start paying off all this dental work AND potentially get some new clothes!

What are your plans for the weekend?

A couple things not to forget to do....

- My Valentine's Giveaway ends on SUNDAY, so don't forget to sign up!
- Every Saturday I am guest posting at Diamonds in the Rough, please got check me out and leave me comments so they want to keep me!
- Smile and remember I love ya and F Valentine's Day.. go out with your girls and have a good day.
-Make a wish over at Spanky Luvs It*
-And read about TB Mommy's engagement!! Congrats darling!!!
-Everday Musings featuring a Busy Bee Lauren Giveaway!! ---awesome

oh and..
-My favorite tumblr account this week is Mariianna.

xox

Getting To Know You!

Lately my follower list has increased a whole lot and I love it! I wanted to get to know everyone just a little bit, unless you want to go into some full detail, you are more than welcome!

I really want to know a little something about you and where you are from, just a little nice thing to know about each of my wonderful readers :)

I will start.

I am Jen, Novelista Barista, NB, Jenny O, Jennifer... whatever you may like.

I am 24, Aries, and will be 25 in March!

I love to write, travel and enjoy coffee houses wherever I go.

I like the simple things in life, live for awkward moments and try to smile as much as possible.

And I live in New York, right outside of the city.

ps. and im a big mush!

You can read more about me if you really like, here.

Leave me some comments below!

It was nice to meet you :)

ps... LAST call for my new job celebration giveaway... sign up HERE!!!! I will pick the winner tonight.

Last Day

Today's my last day at my job of 4 years.

I am pretty sad.

I don't know why.. I hate it here a lot but I also love my boss and some of my co-workers. It's sad because I have been here so long and this is all I've known for the past almost 4 years and now everything is going to change.

I haven't gotten excited for my new job yet because it doesn't feel real. I sort of feel like I am going on vacation. I am really just going to miss my sales associate, the lady in my office who is sorta like my office mom, and then my boss.

I mean, I knew this was going to happen... I get sad when I leave places that I go on vacation to. I am just not very good at leaving things forever...

So here it goes... to my last day.

To new beginnings..

My New & Improved 2010 Resolutions!

Since I have already accomplished my #1 goal for the year, I wanted to add & delete some of my resolutions. And yes, I am allowed people its only 19 days into the year! You get a 30 day grace period.

1. Do more things to enjoy life... go outside, go out to dinner, hang with friends, decorate, smile more, motivate myself, go for walks, go hiking, go to museums, listen to more music, go to the beach in the summer

2. Be healthy.... smoke less, drink less, eat more fruit, drink more tea, work out more

3. Write more... get over 500 followers on my blog, expand on my writing topics, take a stiletto boot camp writing class and get an article published

4. Go on vacations... wherever it may be, with great people

5. Learn to say No.... to things that I actually don't want to do but do them anyway to make other people happy

6. Read more... at like 10 books this year

7. Volunteer at the dog shelter more... I have been slacking and I need to change that

8. Acquire more fashionable pieces... bags and dresses

9. Pay off my class & my other credit card

10. Always keep flowers in the house

11. Spend more time in New York City.. especially on my 25th

12. Go on more random road trips.. there is never anything wrong with random road trips :)

Travel Wish

Take a Cruise to Greece, Spain & Italy..
Sooooooo tempting..........
:)

and for 3 countries its NOT ridiculously expensive...... Soooooo tempting.

I Like a Boy..

I haven't shared too much about my love life lately because some people I know read my blog and I wasn't really sure what to write about it and all that sort of stuff. So I am going to just come out with it and it's no news to him, but I just feel better saying it to you all because I haven't yet.

Well I have a crush.

It's cool, to actually like someone again. And be able to do that, without feeling bad, because I am single and I am allowed to like people. I was worried it was too soon, but I don't care anymore. My life has changed and someone pretty awesome has entered my life. Someone who was there before but I never knew it because I was blinded by something else.

I don't know what we are. I am scared of relationships right now. They seem to ruin everything. But I like this boy, and wouldn't mind if he stuck around. We've talked about it many times.. and are just leaving it as is. Which is good with me, since I am still in that wary stage. I just got my emotions back, so I'm starting from there.

So yeah... just wanted to throw that out there because I wanted to say it out loud

: )

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3 Drastic Life Changes in 6 Months

I cannot believe it! It was only a short time back that everything in my life was so different. Getting a new job was the end of my complete life changes so far.

In the past 6 months, my life has gone to from being completely miserable with my ex, living with him, at my dead end job, crying every day, having anxiety attacks... to..... moving into a huge apartment with my girl Cherrie, breaking up with my ex and being single, and finally getting a new exciting job that has potential to grow!

I mean... holy shit.

I never thought this would happen. From the beginning of 2009, I NEVER saw this being my life at the end of 2009.

I can't believe this is finally happening... its quite sad that my old life is ending and my new life is finally beginning. With all of this, I think I need to change my 2010 goals because now that I will be getting paid a bit more money, I can actually accomplish some other things that I want to do! AH!

I am happy, sad, nervous and anxious about my new job.

Happy because this is a great new challenge in my life and I can't wait to take it on!

Sad because I have been here for 4 years and I am not used to anything else and ill miss the friends that are left here. It has been good times, despite the horribleness.

Nervous because I am afraid that I will suck and not be what they think I will be. And that I don't remember how to work hard.

Anxious because I want it to happen already. I want to get over the first couple of weeks of learning and being new and have everything settled in! I hate being the new person, it sucks lol

Did you feel this way when you started a new job?

PS.. the winner (chosen by random.org) of the New Year's giveaway is ..... Absent Minded!

Lady email me your info & congrats :) and tell me what you want written on the tears :)

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GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{photo credits}

:)

my presentation went REALLY well... so we shall see what happens today or tomorrow....

{photo credits}

I am Happy Today Because....

Thanks Moonjava for passing the happniess over to me :)

Here are my 10 things of happiness for today!

I am happy for...

1. My friends and family. Never could I ever make it through life on a daily basis without the love and support from ALL of them. Especially lately, life has been so different and ive been spending lots of time with them all and its just awesome.

2. My apartment and my roommate and dog and cat! Probably one of the best things that happened to me this year. It has been a place for all of my friends to come together and meet each other and hang out and one of my favorite things it having everyone be friends so that has been happening and I can't wait to do it every day! Well and cuz i LOVEEEE my roomie!! She is the SHIT and LADY, dont let ANYONE ever tell you differently!

3. The potential of good things to come. Life has been so up and down and it gets harder to keep a smile on my face, so with the potential of good things to come, it's something to look forward to.

4. Sleeping in (moonjava said it best)

5. Uno! haha my friends and I are currently in a Uno obsession and we play almost every weekend lol.. who could have thought Uno would have been so much fun!

6. My blog - i love my blog and i love everyone elses blog that I read every day too. Its awesome and I look forward to it every single day!

7. Weheartit.com - for having such awesome pictures to go with every post of mine!

8. Hearing new music - its hard to find new music out there and its always nice when you find something different from the norm on the radio or in a cab. Music can change your mood, it can change your life and inspire you.

9. Jersey Shore & The Kardashians! - I am officially obsessed. Since the lack of Grey's Anatomy (which starts on January 21st BTW)

and

10. The Jets Winning! - they haven't been in the playoffs in SO LONG! This is exciting!

{ps. my giveaway! two more days only... click here!}

{photo credits}

Crazy Day Ahead!!

Tomorrow morning I have the second round of my interview and I have to do a sales presentation for them. I am nervous/excited.

I think my presentation is really good, I just need to memorize it and not forget it by 9:30 tomorrow morning.

I really want this job. The company seems pretty awesome. Granted I didn't get the other one, I was in the dumps because of that. So I am hoping for good things tomorrow and that I can speak well in front of the people I am presenting in front of, since I am not a very good public speaker at ALL plus I really want this job.

SO..... wish me luck.

PS. Don't forget about my giveaway! Sign up now, the necklaces are awesome :)

PPS. I figured out how to make links underneath my header! ha! it was actually incredibly easy and I can't believe I couldn't figure it out! Thanks to everyone who attempted to help my HTML incompetent ass!

Positiveness

It is a brand new year and that means there is the ability to start fresh with many aspects of life. A lot of things have happened in the past couple of months and I am hoping for new & exciting things to happen around the corner.

This is a big year for me. I am turning 25. I have heard a lot of good and bad things about 25. Some have said it was the hardest year of their lives. Some said it was one of the best years of their lives. I am looking for one of the better ones. I am almost figuring because 24 was a seriously rough and life altering year, that 25 will be brighter in different ways.

I am excited to turn 25. I was always the youngest in my group of friends so I was always wanting to get older.

I am hoping for some positiveness to come into my life in the next month, there are somethings in the works so I am hoping. I don't want to say too much but I'll let you know later.

Also, wish my roomie good luck because she is on the fence with her boyfriend and they are having problemos :(

Why Novelista Barista?

When I was in college, I needed a job.

Coffee shop 1 - I went a couple months without a job and I was bored out of my mind. I walked around Pleasantville trying to find a job and I walked into a Chinese looking restaurant. I found out it was a coffee shop. They offered me the job. I worked there almost everyday. The place was called the Dragonfly Caffe. I will put pictures of it up one day.

That place changed my life. I had the time of my life there. I met so many interesting and inspiring people in my life while working there. My coworkers were like my family. We hung out there everyday. We did everything for each other. It didn't matter what time it was, we were usually hanging out at the store, helping each other out.

I had to stop working there because the owner ended up being crazy, so I went to another coffee shop.

Coffee shop 2 - Winston's Coffeehouse. I worked there for a couple of years and I was the one to shut the doors of the business since the owner ran it into the ground and stole all the money from the store. That was the first and hopefully last time I will ever have to shut the doors of a business again.

Coffeeshop 3- Peekskill Coffeehouse. I went to work at my third coffee shop in another town, and I was only there for a week because I got a job with my friends I knew at their coffee shop. This place was nice but it wasnt exactly the coffeeshop atmosphere I was looking for.

Coffeeshop 4- Coffee Labs. The last one I have worked at so far. I loved this place. They were always on top of their store, did everything by the books, roasted their own coffee there, took us to other coffee shops to learn more about coffee. I learned a lot about coffee and fair trade and rain forest alliance from the owners. They taught me a lot of things that I never knew and I am so glad that I got that experience. I wish I never had to pay rent otherwise I would have stayed. Unforunately, the county I live in is mad expensive so I had to find something else, but the experience and the people I met there I wouldn't change for anything.

So you see, I took on novelista barista because everywhere I go I am looking for the independent coffee shops and always wanting to write about it. One day maybe Ill write about places across the country......

There you have it.

Why did you choose your blog name?

Dear xxxxx

photo credit

Dear TB

Thank you for being there when my fish died and I cried like an emotional train wreck at 9am on Saturday morning. You always manage to make me smile somehow.... don't let it get to your head.

Dear Micher & Big D,

Thanks for keeping me sane at work when I feel like I am about to scream and you convince me that I would look like a psycho if I started to scream.. oh and thanks for all the witty comments.

Dear Roomie C,

Thanks for being awesome. Oh and making me coffee in the mornings. Thanks Lover xoxo

Dear Spanky,

Thanks for listening to me whine all summer long about T and then pushing me to be strong enough to actually do something about it.

photo credit: Sliptroads

Dear November Sundays,

Thanks for continuing to be warm every Sunday and making the day before going back to hell MUCH, MUCH more enjoyable!

Dear Bank of America,

Stop letting me spend money!

Dear Conor,

Thank you for being my awesome Irish friend over in England,,, i always love learning new words from you. Knackered. Now get the freakin internet fixed! xox

Dear H&M and BCBG,

I hate you for having all the clothes that I love but I can't buy..but i love your clothes anyway!

Photo Credit: Jessica Joy

Dear Bloggers,

I love ya all for making my shitty days much, much brighter!

Dear S,

Thanks for NOTHING. Jerk.

and lastly..

Dear T,

Thank you for making me have to prove you wrong in every aspect of what you said was wrong with me. It will eventually make me a better and stronger person. But NO thanks to you for being such a JERK OFF for no reason. Man up and take responsibility for your actions. Or keep running.... You're good at that.