Friday, August 12, 2011

Forgiving and... Forgetting?


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is this possible? are you able to forgive someone you loved who has hurt you? are you able to be with them and get along and make things work and forget?

i am in the process of working with this right now and and even though i want to forgive and move past everything, i my jealousy keeps getting in the way, when the things that happened when we werent together, i can't really be jealous of because i was doing my own thing too and pretty much in the same exact way.

my real question is, how do you put aside jealousy so that it doesn't ruin everything?

especially when the other person is being honest, and even though i don't fully trust him, i know he is being honest based on things he shows me. its so hard! when did it all become this hard?




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5 comments:

Chelsea said...

Great. post. I really like those quotes. This is a hard subject: forgiveness.

someone once told me that sometimes forgiveness is just absorbing the hurt.

hm. praying for you!

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Erny said...

I'm still figuring that out one. Sigh. You're not alone.

Michael said...

NB-

Jealousy.

Sigh.

I have made up my mind, after 40 years experience, that I can't make someone stay. I can't. They're going to stay if they want to stay. If they're going to leave, they're going to leave.

You can't follow someone around 24/7. You don't have time, and they'd start to hate it. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. The best and only thing you can do is make sure you're giving the relationship your best effort, so that if he leaves, you'll know it wasn't you.

For example, I brought my wife some Chipotle last night. A girl who used to work where I work now manages there. She's very cute, but very young- maybe 20, if that. Now, make no mistake, if I were single and she were asking, I WOULD. But she's not offering, and I'm decidedly not single. Plus I'm a used up old fat white guy. She has no need for me.

So I mention, playfully, that "my girlfriend" was working. My wife turns green. "Oh really?"

Now, I understand the reaction, I guess- she feels threatened. But it's like feeling threatened by Kristen Stewart, or Tina Turner, or you, for that matter- not only are we separated by vast gulfs of age, experience, geography, and income, I'm also NOT LOOKING.

But still the jealousy is there.

All you can do, NB, is be the best NB you can be. Thankfully, you're the only one qualified to do so.

Miss Mercedes said...

Trusting again is one of the hardest things I've ever done. If you choose to move forward, you will fight the jealousy for a very long time. If he's worth it...well...you will willingly fight it and you will be happier for it. I believe people can change. I also believe it takes a lot of work (internal work) on the part of both people to make the change.


Wishing you the best.

Much Love,
Mercedes

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