Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Miss Summer Giveaway!!!

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In celebration of my 200th post! (I can't believe I wrote that much, damn) I wanted to share some of my excited-ness for that and because I am going to California, I saw this picture and fell in love... so I wanted to share it with you!

Please check out Zuppaartista's Etsy shop. There are some amazingly great pictures there!
I just love surfing and that this is a Polaroid type picture and looks mad old school... plus it looks good up on the wall!

Please leave a comment below by Monday, October 5th.

I will pick at from and announce the winner that day.
*if ur a follower leave a 2nd comment
*if you tweet or blog it, leave a 2nd comment or 3rd if u do both!

Good Luck! :)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

BH Files - Leader of the Douchebags

Dating Time: 3 years

Total Breakups: too many to count

Speaking in 2009?: NO

Douchebag Status: Leader of the Douchebags.

By Diary of a Southern Domestic Diva

‘A’ and I met in college. Geology class to be exact, sophomore year. I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with my high school sweetheart (‘Jax’), and wasn’t quite sure I made the right decision to break it off – we still talked & he was doing everything in his power to get back together, and I just wasn’t sure. It was a tough time in my life to be alone. My parents had just moved over 1,000 miles away, and I had just had surgery on my ankle and was hobbling across campus (trying to carry a backpack) on crutches. My schedule forced me to walk from the science building on the south east corner of campus all the way to the business building on the north west side of campus. Crutching that far was miserable. ‘A’ walked the same route – but I was always several steps behind him…crutching. Turns out, ‘A’ was also in my accounting class at night. After class he walked down to talk to the professor and bumped into me. He told me he thought we were in Geology class together and introduced himself. I could have sworn he said his name was Andrea. Andrew was good looking – male model type bone structure and dressed extremely nice. Even though we walked the same route to our cars that night, he didn’t offer to help me carry anything as I was struggling to crutch across campus. I should have known then what type of guy he was. The next day in Geology class he switched seats to be closer to me – during a break he slipped me his number and I gave him mine. That night in Accounting he text me and asked if I could go with him to grab something to eat after class. ‘A’ didn’t seem like my type. He came off as the cocky, type A, screw you and use you type of guy. I was skeptical, but figured we wouldn’t click and the worst thing that could come of it was me getting a free meal…so I went. ‘A’ told me his dad was a Baptist Evangelist, his mom did a bunch of mission work, he had been in the church since he was born. His mom even called during dinner and he had to take the call. I thought it was sweet that he was so family oriented. He owned a small business and he had his life together. He had goals, and seemed as though he wasn’t the guy I originally thought he was going to be. So we continued dating.

My high school boyfriend and I had a lot of the same friends and so it was hard to avoid him. This group of high school friends all moved to Memphis together to go to college so we were close. We had poker nights, lunch every Wednesday and pretty much did everything together. I didn’t like to ‘A’ about what I was doing, but thought it would be awkward if I brought ‘A’ around ‘Jax’ all the time. I invited ‘A’ every now and then – but he always refused to hang out with my friends…even if ‘Jax’ wasn’t there. One Tuesday night I went to poker and didn’t call ‘A’ to tell him. He called me in the middle of the game so I walked outside to talk to him. He asked where I was and I told him. Turns out, he had followed me to the house I was playing at and wanted to make sure I didn’t lie to him about where I was. Even though I told him the truth, he broke up with me the next day because ‘Jax’ was there. A few days later he wanted to get back together. I told him I’d try to avoid going out with everyone when ‘Jax’ was around and it eventually led to me losing all my friends.

One night he invited me to go to the movies with 2 other couples – both his friends – to see a movie I wasn’t exactly thrilled about. I knew it was something ‘A’ wanted to do, so I went. When I got there he paid for HIS ticket only and walked in without me…while the other guys in the group paid for their girlfriends and walked in together. I thought it was extremely rude, but paid for my movie and walked in anyway. The entire movie he and his buddies were laughing loudly and making crude remarks – it was so annoying. I wanted to get up and leave, but wanted to avoid making a huge scene so I just sat in my seat and stayed quiet. Once the movie was over and we got in the car, I tried to explain to ‘A’ why I had been upset all night. It turned into a screaming match about how I was a gold digger for expecting him to pay for my movie. If there is one thing I’m NOT, it’s a gold digger. I have supported MYSELF since I was 15 and have never asked anyone for a dime. At 16, I paid cash for my first car using money I made waiting tables. At 20, I bought my first house. When I go on dates, I always offer to pay half and INSIST on paying every other time. I don’t rely on men for money or anything else. He ended up tearing up all his credit/debit cards and throwing the remnants all over my car. After that we never shared a bill. I paid for my food and he paid for his. Unless it was a birthday or something. It was so awkward going out and asking for separate checks all the time.

We would break up for months at a time but still act like we were together. It was such a stressful relationship. He was emotionally abusive. He constantly made me think I was doing something wrong. If I went out with my girlfriends and stayed out too late, I was cheating on him. But he could go out with his guy friends and never make it back to his house. He would get weird text messages from ex girlfriends, and tell me about them. Random girls would call and he would ignore the calls when I was around. He lied about stupid things, I would catch him in the lie and then somehow he turned it around to be my fault. I have no idea how he manipulated me like that. I would get phone calls from friends saying they saw him out exchanging numbers with other girls. He would tell me it was “business related.” If I even talked to a guy I got a lecture.

We spent every weekend with his family, who lived in town. I invited him several times to visit my family with me and each time he made up some excuse to why he couldn’t go. It was really frustrating that he didn’t care to get to know my family.

The last straw was when I drove home from school one night (he bought a house in the same neighborhood as mine) there was a girls car in his driveway. Clearly a girls car because it was covered in pink sorority paraphernalia. He had a roommate though, so I just figured that his roommate had a girl over. That night I got a text message from his roommate asking if I knew fun places to go in Nashville – I was already asleep and didn’t get it until the next morning, after I had already got up for my morning run around the neighborhood and saw that the girls car was STILL in the driveway. THE ROOMMATE WAS OUT OF TOWN! When I confronted ‘A’ about it he lied and told me that she was there for his roommate. I told him I knew that he was out of town and he changes his story to say that she had gotten drunk and passed out on his couch…then later he admitted that she slept in his bed (he claims fully clothed). SURE. The girl ended up sending me a facebook message telling me that it was obvious we both knew who the other girl was and that we should get together so she could tell me everything ‘A’ had been up to – she had proof. I told her I didn’t even care what she had to say, and I was DONE with the relationship.

‘A’ started doing everything in his power to get me back. I came home to a bag filled with a box of brownies, a bottle of wine and a movie with a note asking if we could have date night. He would text me that we should go to Florida and get away from Memphis – he would pay for the entire trip – so we could talk and work things out. He followed me to physical therapy one morning and left a single rose and a candy bar on my car. Sent a dozen red roses to work. I didn’t care. I had caught him cheating. We broke up in December.

Fast forward to June. I had started dating ‘J’. We had been dating a little over a month, still not an “item.” We had gone out with some coworkers of mine to an event and came back to my house to watch a movie. ‘J’ had to be up early the next morning for his call shift. At about 1:30am I hear POUNDING on my front door. I get out of bed and look through my bedroom window and low and behold A is standing outside screaming “Who is in there?” and pounding on the door. I told ‘J’ what was going on and he asked if I wanted him to go outside and make him go away. I told him no, that he would just go away on his own. Eventually the pounding stopped. The car drove away and I thought it was over. ‘J’ got up to go to the restroom and I went back to bed. Next thing I know, my ADT alarm starts sounding. ‘A’ had broken in my house through the back door and was standing at the keypad punching in the code that I hadn’t changed since we broke up. He grabs me and presses my arms to my sides so I can’t move them and starts screaming at me asking whose truck was in my drive way. ‘J’ hears it all and comes rushing out of the bathroom. ‘A’ lets me go, and walks right up to ‘J’ and punches him in the face. ‘J’ is 6’5” 220 lb guy, compared to ‘A’ who is 6’1” 140ish. ‘J’ grabs him and puts him to the ground and holds him there. ‘A’s’ head is bleeding because it hit the metal of my couch feet – ‘J’s’ nose is bleeding from being punched and I am standing there in shock telling them to quit fighting. Finally ‘A’ looks at me and asks me to tell ‘J’ to let him up. I said no because I didn’t want him to get punched again. ‘J’ finally lifted him up and basically threw him outside. I was mortified. My first concern was ‘J’ whose eye was beginning to swell. We got him some ice, but he was MAD. He had to be in the operating room by 5:30am, and how was he going to explain to the other doctors why he had a black eye?

The entire next day I was so worried I would never hear from ‘J’ again. I knew I wouldn’t hear from him at all that day no matter what. He had surgeries scheduled all day and no cell service in the hospital. When I did hear from him, I was relieved, but he wanted to “talk”. He told me he knew it wasn’t my fault but wanted to make sure that I didn’t still have feelings for the guy. He also wanted to call the cops and press charges on him for breaking and entering and assault and battery. I told him that what ‘A’ did was out of character and we wouldn’t have to worry about him again. BOY WAS I WRONG.

‘A’ started threatening to call a lawyer. I was appalled. What could he possibly tell the lawyer?? That he broke into my house and started a fight with his ex-girlfriends new boyfriend?? HE was the one that would get into trouble. I was pretty sure he was bluffing but decided not to take chances and called a friend of mine who is a lawyer. He told me ‘A’ had no case, and that I should go ahead and call the cops and report the incident so there was a report on file if anything came about. So I did. Cops came out to my house, ‘J’ had to leave the hospital and come out to have pictures of his eye taken. Cops told me they would be having someone from domestic violence call me and that “I need to be careful because this is how girls like you get killed” – way to scare me Officer. The next day, I got a call from domestic violence telling me to get an order of protection against him. So – I did.

After that when I would run into his friends, they would say things like, "I can't believe you put up with him so long. How did you keep taking him back after all those times he cheated on you?" I was like - THANKS FOR TELLING ME... Turns out, he had been cheating on me for 2 1/2 of the 3 years we had dated. It makes me want to vomit to think about.

I still have to live 2 blocks away from the douche bag. I can’t wait to move.


Oh What a Night(s)

my fortune cookie hahah no JOKE.. got this at the chinese restaurant!

Holy hangover!

I had my party on Friday and it was really fun. I must say that I had a good time and I hope that everyone else did as well. It was an interesting bunch I had going on there, but all in all, good crowd. Especially the beer pong crowd... whom I liked to talk a lot of smack to once wasted lol

A whole bunch of stuff happened that night that I cannot get into on here unfortunately because too many people read my blog :/ , but I don't know, I was wasted and I had a great time, and was happy, so that is what I am happy about. Because I haven't had a great time in a long time and I think it was well deserved on my part. Plus I throw some good parties anyway, and I haven't in a long time, so that was nice!

Then I spent the next two days being hungover.
I watched the Notebook again, dreamed about how I need to have that! Why can't we have that? Is it possible?? Does that really exist? I have faith that it does. I believe it. I mean maybe not exactly like that or anything because that was dramatic and a movie but I think people are able to love each other that much and be happy... I really do. Maybe that makes me a sucker... probably. T always told me that hope was for suckers.

Went to the Yankee Game last night, it was a rain delay for I think only an hour but we met some people that my friend knew and it was fun times! Running back and forth across Yankee Stadium to find places to smoke and finally back to our seats and it wasn't raining anymore and the game was starting! Very cute boys indeed that we met! Rain delays always cause you to spend more money and drink more beer.... lol fun times!

hahah it rained

How were your weekends :)

PS..... I have a giveaway coming up tomorrow for my 200th post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't forget to come back and sign up for a chance to win!

Monday, September 28, 2009

BH Files - Hook Up Gone Bad

The worst happens to the best of us, at very unpredictable times, from the unexpected people.

My friend of two years and hook up buddy of two weeks just surprised the hell outa me and infuriated me all at once.

When we saw each other downtown, we talked about meeting up after I had my night with the ladies and he had his night with the guys. So, as I'm leaving the bars, I get a call from him asking me to come over and crawl in bed with him.

I got to his place around 4 am and ran up to his room. After an hour of amazing sex, he starts asking "aren't your roommates going to be worried about you" and saying "I think I should take you home" a bunch of times. So I ask him why he feels he should and he comes up with some bull shit answer. He tells me again he thinks he should take me home (all the rest of our hookups we have spent the night at each others places). This is all while I'm still lying naked on top of him. At this point it's pretty clear he doesn't want me there so I put on my clothes and peaced the fuck outa there.

I don't know who the fuck this kid thinks he is, but no one is going to disrespect me by fucking kicking me out at 5am. I'm not some slut, and even if I was, no girl should be treated like that. You don't fuck someone and just say "okay, get out now".

And then he had the audacity to come up and put his arm around me at the tailgate today as if I'm his girlfriend. And when I walked away without saying a word, he says "fuck you" and asks my friends why I'm mad. Anyone with an ounce of respect, at least I believe, would be pissed off.

He completely surprised me with that one since he's a nice guy that I've been friends with for years. But whatever, he can text me, call me, and try to talk to me, but I have no reason to give him the time of day after that, so I'm not going to.
At this point, I think that if he doesn't want to see me at 5 in the morning, after we just had sex, while I'm still lying naked on top of him, he doesn't deserve to see me period. Or talk to me for that matter, whether it's through text, in person, or over the phone.

-Lelali Di

Friday, September 25, 2009

S Called

S called me today.

Revert back to this post if you don't know who I am talking about.... Falling Back Into It
We haven't talked since Labor Day weekend... because of that crazy bitch.
Oh my god.
This is how it started:

12:12 PM me: Talk?
12:15 PM Really? I mean, what the fuck Steve, u wont even give me a chance to explain anything? How is that even fair? I guess our friendship really wasnt that important to you
12:17 PM At least tell me to fuck off or something so I can let u and forget who u are

And he called me like 2 hrs ago.

Holy shit

I was like uh, hi?
and S goes.. don't know why i haven't talked to u... i was really mad, the "girl" said i told her to fuck off (WHICH I DIDN'T) and I laugh as I continue to listen to him tell me this. I ask him why don't u tell me why ur calling me and hes like i don't know, i wanted to hear what u had to say
and i needed some space and time to figure out who i believed and what i was going to do and figure out this shitty situation im in and stuff like that

I told S what happened , what REALLY happened and I go, S, shes fucking nuts.

I told him i couldn't believe he ever thought of me doing that.. and that that sucks on my part, because i wasn't a good enough friend for him to think that i would actually do that.

then he started getting into whats going on with him and her and all this stuff and how he doesnt know what hes doing and blah blah

and im just like, S, thats because ur a fucking idiot and a pushover and ur letting her walk all over u and ur doing it to yourself

I just wanted to be like... go fuck yourself for letting that girl treat me like that... but instead i was just like.... Honestly? I dont ever want to meet that bitch because ill punch her in the face and i dont hope that u two work out because shes a crazy bitch.

i was like" do u only call me when ur life sucks?" and hes like no..... and some other shit. Hmm... we'll see if that is true or not...

im just glad that i told him my side becuase i was really stressing about it. I hate fighting/not talking to people. It really bothers me so much and I hate when people think I am worse than I really am.
I am glad I was able to tell my side. So if he wants to continue talking to me, fine, but it won't be the same. That was really a smack in the face for me.

BH Files - "Permission"


I spoke to her father today, our first encounter of the new year. It's never uncomfortable. He's my attorney for work so I see him on a somewhat regular basis. He helps me compose and signoff on contracts for my business clients. He's a good lawyer, always offering to work pro bono for me. I have to refuse. Everyone needs to make a living. He should be paid for his work. He's a good man, a good husband and a great father. A father to an only child, a daughter who happen to be my first love back in college. He hands me a pen and instructs me to sign here, finalizing a deal. In mid signature swoop, he catches me off guard saying..."You know, she asks about you, how you are, if things are well." I keep vague contact with her these days. So I shouldn't really be surprised by those words. It sounds like polite conversation, friendly concern. For some reason I'm distracted, too distracted to finish my signature. It's hard to pick up where you left off, the signature that is. Or maybe I, that's not it. I'm over her. I don't just tell myself that. I honestly feel it. I know it to be true.

I glance away from the dotted line in front of me, but I don't make eye contact with him. He's holding down the top edge of the paper for me. I stare at his crisp white shirt complete with silver cuff links. The man is always dressed to kill. I suppose being one of the best lawyers in the country will help one's wardrobe attire. I have mixed emotions to what he just told me. I don't want to send the wrong message when I don't even know what the messages in my head are telling me. I remain emotionless. I'm detached from the idle chit-chat and focused on the reason why I stopped by to see him - for business. I want to remain distant, but not cold. I need to say something. Surely he has noticed me pause. I reply with a simple..."She's doing well too I assume?" I form it like a question. I do hope she is doing well. I do hope she is happy. There are those "I do's" again, haunting me.

My pockets weren't deep that day. The day I invested the better half of the money I had been quietly saving. Earnings from my post college career, my rookie year out in the real world. I was about to make a huge purchase, a shiny diamond ring she was sure to adore. A clear stone I could look into and see myself taking the plunge, holding her hand by my side. A diamond free of any imperfections, the same way I saw her. Mounted on a perfect unbroken circle of platinum, that without doubt, would please Daddy's little girl. I don't want to reiterate exactly what happened that day. I don't want to go into long explanations and give vivid details of what unfolded. Let's just assume a few safe facts. I asked his permission for her hand. He said yes. Then I never got on one knee to take her hand, the very hand that held the answer to the most important question of my life. I never got an answer because I never proposed the question.

I came prepared with ring in pocket, trying to conceal the nervous beads of sweat mounting on my forehead and filling my palms. I was so rattled that as I practiced my speech in the mirror, my voice cracked and my hands trembled. I don't think women truly understand how nerve racking it can be for a man. Even the most confidant have broke under the surmounting pressure. Pressure that if you don't get the words out right, that she will forever remember it. Truthfully retelling the tale to her friends and family will shatter that romantic vision she has built-up in her head since age 8. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let that happen. I made certain of it by even jotting in "kneel now" and "pull out ring" in-between the lines I had written. A short speech that only a fool like me could fumble. Words to be heard by her ears alone. I only planned on doing it once. So I wanted to do it right. I didn't want to read it. I wanted to recite it...literally from my heart.

Looking straight into the future. A future I had already begun planning. One filled with goals and ambitions that I was anxious to share. Share with her. I was ready to close that dating chapter and begin on a new page. Unfortunately she was on a different page, or maybe reading an entirely different book. She wanted to travel. She wanted to set aside her fresh college degree and not slip on a shiny ring, but hop on a shiny plane. Not to get away, but to move around and continue moving. Experience life. A life that didn't have wedding bells in the near future. She didn't need my permission to do that, even though she asked for it. What was I to say? I want her to do what's in her heart. To follow her heart wherever it takes her, even if it's oceans from me. She assured me that she didn't want to breakup. That her heart loved me very much, but traveling was something she wanted to do. Traveling was in her heart too. She was a pre-law student. She put off taking the bar so she could spend a few years traveling for her new job. She was more interested in "finding herself" than finding out what was inside that little velvet box and what was written on the crumbled paper I stuffed into my jacket. It's ok. I don't find fault in her. These days, I don't hurt about it. I'm over it. I may wonder what could have been. Perhaps she wonders what should have been? I don't know. I don't want to know. It's better not to know sometimes.

I finish signing my name, just as her father asks me a leading question. Lawyers do that sometimes. He asks..."Do you think she made a mistake?" He continues on to say..."I feel she made a mistake. She's sees you with your niece. I know she wonders if she should have done things differently. It's not my business, but for the record, you never needed my permission. You always had my blessing." I wasn't going to respond to that. I just smiled and said thank you. Then shook his hand and left. Our deal was now officially closed. The "deal" I had with his daughter, it never really opened. I've permitted myself to move on, long ago. I realize everything in life happens for a reason, even if the lesson is unclear, it's still taught.

BH Files - Let's Just Be Friends

I don't talk to my ex because he was the love of my life and broke my heart for no reason. We were together all four years of college and had made plans together for our future. A month after graduation, he called me and ended it over the phone (we were apart for the summer). No explanation whatsoever.

He told me he wanted to remain friends, and actually said that he would not allow me to cut him out of my life. He called me once after the breakup but I did not pick up. We are not friends. I can't believe the cruelty that exists in this world - that one person can hurt another person so much without so much as a thought. To this day, he believes he did nothing wrong.

Just the bond that we shared, the connection we was incredible, through the good and the bad. We could have had such an amazing future together. And he ended it.

And I don't think I can ever forgive him for doing that to us.

Grey's Anatomy Season Premier


Can we discuss Grey's from last night please???? It was so incredibly sad! I can't get over how sad it was... I dont even know what I would do if I was them in that situation. I couldnt handle it.

The worst (best) part of this show is that I have been watching it for so long and I feel like I am sort of connected with these characters, and that is why I get so emotional when watching this show.. it sometimes is way too depressing for me!! But i love it nonetheless! I want them to stop killing/removing the characters though, PLEASE stop doing that! I cannot handle another death in Grey's!!!!

And I am kind of not loving Derek lately... I don't know why.. maybe I am seeing it wrong, but I really am not liking him! He comes off as such an asshole!

Do you cry like a freakin baby like I do when watching Grey's?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Frou Frou

"Hear Me Out"
**if u have not heard this song, go download it now!**

I join the queue on your answerphone
And all i am - is holding breath
Just pick up i know you're there
Can't you hear - i'm not myself

Oh go ahead and lie to me
You could say anything
Small talk will be - just fine
Your voice is everything
We owe it to love
And it all depends on you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
It's love on the line can you handle it

So how do i do normal
The smile i fake - the permanent wave of
Cue cards and fix it kits
Can't you tell - i'm not myself

I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
(I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling)
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
(It's love on the line can you handle it?)

So listen up
Look at me straight
Just hear me out
Don't make me wait
I'm not myself
I can't take this
Love's on the line
Is that your final answer

I join the queue on your answerphone
And all i am - is holding breath
Just pick up i know you're there......

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
(I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling)
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
(It's love on the line can you handle it?)

Interactive Thursday!

Do you check your boyfriend/girlfriends text messages, call history, facebook or email?? Do you think it is okay or not okay to do so? Why or Why Not?
(thanks conor!)


NO! It is def not okay. But that doesn't mean I haven't done it. I did it with Jay... like ALL of the time. But the only only only reason I did it was because he gave me some serious evidence of WHY I should be doing it. But then again, did it really help me out? No, because I never said anything, I just kept it to myself and got more angry and ended up hating him. But it did help me realize he was cheating on me, although I never did anything about it.

Before him, I really didn't have a reason to check anyone's phone or anything and facebook wasn't around and text messages weren't big then. But now... I mean, you would really have to give me a reason to not trust you for me to do that. This will sound sort of hypocritical, but sometimes I would check T's phone when we were in a fight to see if he said something about me to his friends. But yeah.. its still not right. Because I would be mad if he checked mine.

And facebook! Oh god... that has caused so many problems in so many peoples relationships that I have know, it is insane!!! Granted everyone I have dated in the past years has never had facebook so it was just easier that way, but from talking to friends and everyone, it has been a real burden to some people. Which also seems ridiculous, but you know how some people can be, just don't care about the consequences of what you write on someone's page!

I would really love to hear your thoughts on this! I have had some friends do this constantly and it really gets them in trouble and ruins their relationships and it sucks to see happen... but one could argue that there shouldn't even be anything there for them to check and get upset about! But that is a whole other argument for another day!

Thoughts?! Comments?!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

California Bound!

hi Wednesday, are we onto Friday yet?
photo credits: Laura Taylor

I am going to California!!!

Buying my ticket on Friday. My friend lives out there in Santa Cruz so I am going to fly out there Oct 21-25th and hang out. I CANNOT WAIT. I have never been to California and I have been DYING to go there for ever. I am extremelyyyyyy excited, you don't even know! BALLER!!!!!!!

Does anyone have any great places in the San Francisco - Santa Cruz area that I should definiltey go to? Coffee shops? Stores? Waterfalls? Anything awesome.. leave me a note!
I hope I will actually get back on the plane.... lol

-I hope you enjoyed my Jay story... that is like my infamous story.. so horrible yet such a crazy learning experience. I will never do THAT! again.
I am getting all these great emails from everyone about their stories and thanks again for sharing. I am happy to share! I love finding photos to try to capture the feelings.. its really hard!

-I am really excited for tomorrow's interactive thursday... lame, i know.. but I have a GREAT question inspired by my Irish friend Conor so hopefully you will like it!

Nothing really else going on...

-I hung out with a old friend of mine that was sort of my hook up buddy a while back (before T) and we went out to dinner and had a good time. He totally caught me off guard and kissed me and I was shocked! I was like "P you cannot DO that!" First of all you suck at it anyway, and secondly I am not ready for those motions in the road yet! I haven't seen you in how long?! Ugh, annoying. Kinda ruined the rest of the night.. I met some of his other friends who were cool but I was definitely not feeling the scene I was in.
Will not be doing that again! I felt bad, he kept asking me again and again... I figure, I hang out with him, I get it over with, the end. I should have known!

- I am in the process of paying off my credit card in full so that by the time November 1st comes and we are really moving into this apartment, I will only have one credit card left to pay! Woo hooooooo :)

-Did I mention the apartment?! If I didn't then my girl C and I will be moving into a 2 floor townhouse back in New York (not city) November 1st. It is a little more than we were hoping to spend, but honestly it's worth it. There was no security deposit, they allow pets (she has a dog, i have a cat) and let me tell you! There are like NO apartments that allow animals anywhere around here for under $2,000 a month. So this was an awesome deal. Heat and hot water included, parking, laundry. I mean, baller, is that only way I can describe it. The place is brand new. I am really excited.

NOT that I mind living at home, I like it.. its cool to be with my parents and my sister, but its just so far from everything.. I only have like a couple of friends that live in Connecticut with me and everything else is in New York.. my work, my other friends, my gym, my shelter, my school... its like driving back and forth every single day is getting really old real fast. I fill up my gas tank like every other day! And it is not cheap! Granted it is not as expensive as an rent, but still... I have to drive EVERY WHERE. I mean, barely anyone will drive up to see me, so its like I am always going to have to see them.

And then when I want to go out with my friends, I always have to drive home because it is such a pain in the ass to stay at someones house during the week.. yeah maybe I shouldn't go out during the week, but hey, I am trying to be as busy as possible so that I don't think of T or try to call him or text or ANYTHING.. therefore I cannot stay home!

so yeah, that is my life up to now. We will see how this weekend goes... I have GREY'S ANATOMY STARTING TOMORROWWWWW!!! HELLO! Cannot wait! And I have some people coming over on Friday and going to the city on Saturday, shelter on Sunday. Busy Busy...

eek... do I ever sleep?

Broken Heart Files - Weekends Only

My best breakup was with my second serious girlfriend. I was in my second year of college, still living at home, while she finished high school. I felt pretty serious towards her, and her me, but she was apparently getting frustrated with the amount of time I spent studying.

So she confesses this to me during a long midweek phone call. She insists that we can still be friends, but she has met someone else, and finally decided, apparently, to break up with me over this one long phone call.

The killer line, and the one I have remembered ever since, was "...but you can still see me on weekends!"

So she was ending our relationship, but she would still see me when her schedule was freed up. I respectfully declined.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Broken Heart Files - "Mercy"


By Angela Neal

photo credits

I caught a glimpse
I try to find it but it slips away again.
Angels, take me into a dream again
My heart cries for what it can’t see.
Hell take me quickly
and have more mercy on me than love has.
Don’t leave me this way
Do I have to twist your arm to get the answers I need?
Angels, open the heart to bleed it clean.
Hell take me fast
and have more mercy on me than love has.
I need you in your every unspoken word,
and every word that says too much.
Love, you leave me haunted
with the ghosts of things lost and dying.
Angels, take away the veil so I can see again.
Hell, take me fast
and have more mercy on me than love has.
© Angela Neal

Broken Heart Files - Novelista Barista

photo credits: abmist|sepx
(plus my addition)

Total Dating Time: 2 and 1/2 years
Total Breakups: 2
Speaking in 2009?: NO
Douchebag Status: Big one.

We met at a coffee shop (go figure)

He worked down the road at the ski shop. He always wore a red hat, so I could see him right as he was about to enter to store and my heart would flop.

My crazy boss introduced us and we started eating lunch together everyday. He would come in up to two times a day. We got past the phone number thing and started to hang out.

I was sort of dating someone at the time but we still hung out as friends, but a LOT. Jay would take me surfing for the first time, rock climbing for the first time, WAKE boarding for the first time, cliff jumping for the first time, riding on a motorcycle for the first time. All these memories. He took me to my LOVE Portsmouth and Maine for the first time. We did many things like that all the time, and it was real fun when we were just friends.

We went away to one of his friends house, we were just going "as friends". No problem, I could handle that... although I was sort of dating someone, I didn't see Jay as the boyfriend type for me. So we go, I meet his mom, go to his hometown, meet his best friends. We go cliff jumping in the POURING rain, he kisses me up on top of the cliff right before we're about to jump together, holding hands. I mean, like love story to the fullest. I was smiling, ear to ear.

I believed I was in love, for the second time.

Although there was one weird thing that always was in the back of my mind with him; he lived in his ex-girlfriends families house. IN HER BED. In the same ROOM as her sister... while she was away riding horses in Europe.

Talk about sketchy and insane right? Well, apparently they were over, so I had no reason not to believe him, right? I was all trustworthy and happy go lucky and "oh he's just an awesome guy" ROLLING off of me.. or in other words: naive and dumb!

Everything was going GREAT. We started dating in the summer of '04 and by the time January came, we were like inseparable. That is.... until the EX came home... and to HOME I mean to where he was living.. in her bed...

So he came over and stayed with me one night, and she was home for a week, and that was the last time I saw him until after she left. He kept ditching me to hang out with her. I was mortified and heart broken. And he kept saying things like... oh, we're just friends and I haven't seen her in so long.. and some bullshit. But from that week on... I never NEVER trusted him again like I did.
And I can say, from that MOMENT on, our relationship went completely downhill.

I don't know why I allowed him to walk all over me like he was able to, but I did. I was still in college, he was REALLY good at lying and was very manipulative to having me think that I was nuts.

We broke up finally in May of 2006. This is the very short version of what happened between Jan 05 and May 06. It could go on for like 15 posts if I were to talk about everything!

So now everything was rocky and I was getting to be kind of bitter because he started to talk to other girls now. He had a lot of friends that were girls already which I wasn't fond of the idea.. but dealt with it. By the end of summer 05, we broke up, because he needed his space. So I gave him space, heart broken yet again, and went a couple weeks without talking to him. Finally we talked it out and sort of began dating again.

One day his co-worker comes into my coffee shop and starts talking about Jay and his girlfriend.. and I'm assuming since he said quote "girlfriend" that he was not talking about me! I questioned of his girlfriend he spoke of since had just slept with me the night before.... His friend looked AMAZED to hear this information since the girl was his good friend. We sat down and talked about this, I heard about her, etc. Soon enough, I have Jay coming to talk to me, and I was basically told him, CHOOSE. Me or her. He goes on to say how he didn't know they were dating, etc etc.. Whatever, all lies, but he tells me and I believe him sort of, enough to the point to take him back to my house. Again, naive and dumb.

This whole situation went on until around New Years when he would start avoiding me or he would leave me and go to her, or he would get these texts or voicemails from other girls saying all these crazy things. And I checked them, but I never opened my mouth and said I saw them, because I couldnt prove it. He would delete them when I had looked again. Making me believe I was nuts! All my friends hated his guts, as he did theirs. I don't know how we just continued to date?! I basically hated his guts by that time and was extremely mean to him.

Around New Years, I saw a text from that girl, saying she left her thong in his friends apartment. I lost it. I went and hooked up with his friend out of spite. (I was still in college,,,, don't judge!) After that we still stayed together and whatever but we were both doing whatever elsewhere and neither talked about or did anything about it. By that time, our real relationship was basically over. He would never admit to cheating on me, although I would catch him in the most craziest situations and he could make me beleive I was nuts!

So summer-fall 2006, he broke up with me and moved to Mississippi. His mom was really sick with cancer and her and I were really close, and she passed away while he was gone. He came back and I saw him a couple of times, but I felt really bad for him because she had passed away, he had no where to stay... I felt bad (again! naive, dumb!) At THIS time, I was now beginning to date T (yes, the T) and I was trying to feel bad for him and be there for him, but I didn't want to be involved.

Jay's birthday comes around, I (being the idiot I am) told him I would take him out to dinner because I felt bad still about his mom and he was having a really rough time. I didn't tell T because I didn't want it to be really awkward, so I just went out with him and he asked to see my new apartment... I stupidly said yes.

We get to my apartment I show him around and were talking in my room because my other roommates were home ( i lived with 4 other people) , bigger mistake, and then T started calling me. I didn't know what to do, I knew I was doing something wrong. I answered and I told him that I was sick and staying home.... I knew I was in for when I lied... I am a really bad liar.

Around 10 minutes later, I am getting more calls and knocking on the door (now of course my roomates had left) and it is T. I am PANICING! I had no idea what to do. Jay was like, what is going on?! And I pretty much ask him to leave out the back door... In not enough time, T gets into my house ( our house was pretty old, all the windows did not lock) and comes upstairs and walks right up to Jay and punches him in the face.


I left Jay standing there and ran after T....

After that, Jay did not talk to me anymore and T stopped talking to me for about 2 weeks. We made up, I explained it wasn't what he thought... I just felt bad for him, I shouldnt have lied, I should have told him, didn't want to make it awkward... yeah. Way to fuck that up Jen! But he forgave me.

And that was the end of Jay.

He SO deserved the punch though... It should have been from me...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Dates, Fishing and Ex-talk. Hmmm

photo credit: Photoshelter

Interesting weekend I had so far. I hope you did too!

Just wanted to thank the ones who have sent in stories for the broken heart files!! So excited to start this... I just thought of some more stories that I have to post.... lol i might just use some pictures to help you understand the scumminess.

Work FINALLY ended (was that NOT the longest week EVER?) I went I guess I could say on a date on Friday night. It was my BFF's friend, and we went out to dinner a week or so ago but this time I guess it was more on "date" level, whatever that qualifies as I guess?! He picked me up at my house... so I guess that brings it to the next level, right?! I don't know, I haven't been on a date in like.... over 5 years.

So we go to the restaurant and didn't want to wait for a table inside so we sit outside. It wasn't dark out yet, a little chilly but manageable. So we were drinking outside and talking and waiting for our food and it ended up getting pretty cold and now we are still waiting for our food like an hour later and FREEZING to death outside! Apparently it turned into winter in a matter of an hour!? We finally get our food and eat as fast as possible and leave because it was kinda ridiculous how cold it was!

We go to an Irish bar down the road from my house and hang out there watching the Yankee game. We are sitting next to these three guys, kind of talking to them about the game and stuff, and as soon as my friend left to go to the bathroom one of them was like "Can I have your number?!?!!?" GEEZ!!! haha it was so funny that I didn't even know what to say I was just laughing.

It ended up being really fun, we had a good time.


I went fishing! My friend TB took me fishing on a lake and it was really fun because i caught a FISH! First time! Couldn't believe it! It was cool, but I felt really bad! I didnt take any pictures though because I left my phone in the car since the boat was really wobbly and I didnt want to ruin it if i fell in LOL. TB took the hook out and threw it back.. THANK GOD because I was TOTALLY not doing that. Poor little fishy! But it was still alive so I felt better about it.

Later that night I went out with some friends to a bar and one of them is T's best friend. So we were talking about him for a while and he was telling me that T had asked about me the night before and how I was doing. Sigh.... :(
R (t's best friend) was telling me that he had explained some situations to T that I had told him about and since T is very "set in his ways" he wouldn't hear anything I would say, so coming from his friend makes a difference because he actually listens! And R said that he was like "oh i didnt think of it that way...." YEAH T... i am glad u are NOW! geez.

R thinks he will call me sometime soon... :/ i dunno, I am not getting my hopes up. I miss him like crazy. I can hide it very well..... being a complete mess isn't going to get me anywhere.. so I have to be fine.

3 weeks and counting... holy crap :(

Today I didn't wake up until 2:30pm... DAMN.. totally missed going to the shelter today, UGH. I always feel so bad when I don't go because then I have to wait another whole week before I can go there. Ughhhhhhhhhh.. Frustrating.

And now, back to work tomorrow... oh geez..

How was your weekend?

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Broken Heart Files

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

I have been fully inspired by Nicole at My Teacups in Peony and her Love Story Project!
If you have not checked out her love story project, please do so, its really wonderfully done and all the stories are so lovely and if you HAVE love story, please please submit it to go with her project!

Now, from all this inspiration and love going on, and since I am not in the love circle what-so-ever right now, I decided I wanted to write about break-ups and broken hearts.

It is not the happiest topic, but I know from listening to friends talking about their break-ups and their relationships ending that a lot of craziness has gone down in the final days. I know from experience that it just gets ridiculous after a certain point and sometimes it is worth sharing.

So I am asking for your ridiculous stories, the moments that just make you go WTF just happened?! I want this to sort of be a learning a learner experience for everyone incase you read it and think "i don't ever want to do THAT!" and "OMG that bitch is CRAAAZ-YYY" lol.

I don't know if this is a good idea but I know that I have some ridiculous stories to share with you and I KNOW you got stories!

This could be from a..
one night stand
long term relationship
... anything.

Soo.... send them over, I will start posting them as soon as possible. Add pictures, links, whatever! Make sure to give me the link to your blog if you want so I can link it to your blog as well!
I will post them on here and on the group I made on 20 Something Bloggers!

I hope this works! Mine will be up soon.

Maybe we can make a book one day Nicole! lol

Email your Broken Heart Files to:

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Comment Photos?!

Just noticed this.....did blogger always have little pictures next to your comments?!??!
I think that is new...
No way I am that blind!

Interactive Thursday!


Do you talk to your ex's? Is it a good idea? Does it make it harder for you or if you are in a relationship now?


Well..I do not talk to my ex's except for one.

My high school ex that was the first love of my life, we talk occasionally. It took a REALLY long time for us to be able to be civil to each other. We broke up when I went to college my freshman year, I remember screaming at each other in the hallway and I didn't care who heard me (I had been at college like a month--they musta thought I was nuts!) so we broke up and then he went and slept with his ex who he knew would make me REALLY angry. That was a nice break up (and the shorter version). But that was almost 7 years ago and now sometimes we hang out, go out to lunch or see each other at bars and talk like normal. I dont call him or anything though, but i'll talk to him on facebook and stuff like that.

But i do not talk to my most recent ex (T) and the ex before that, we'll call him J. Because J is a douche bag and doesn't deserve my time and T just plain won't talk to me right now.

I like to talk to my ex's for the most part though because they were such a big part of my life and I like to know how they are and if they are alive and stuff like that. I have a hard time letting go of people.

And you?!

Thoughts?! Comments?!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Yankees Blue Jays brawl!!!

Yankees, Jays brawl as benches empty in eighth

Posted using ShareThis

You MUST watch this it is awesome.... I was there!!!! We missed the best part of it trying to catch the train but it was awesome.

God, I love you Jorge Posada!!
oh and Texiera too.. cuz he's mad cute.
AND obvi. Jeter... lol.


Mark Teixeira!!! whata cutie

and obv. Jeter.... :)

OK-- I am done Yankee loving over here!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

NB Life Update

I feel like I haven't told you anything about my life lately,,, and although it is not too exciting, you should know anyway! lol

Let's re-cap life...

So, it has been officially 2 weeks now since I have moved out and seen T. Pretty sad. The missing him is getting worse by the day when I try to figure out who I can go hiking with or who will go to Portsmouth with me, or who I can just chill outside with. And although we didn't do it that much, but I have been trying to think of WHO I would ask and I cant come up with anyone. And that is sort of depressing.. I mean I can always go by myself, but it's just that I know he would enjoy it and we would have fun together.......ugh, makes me sad. I still miss him, it is taking EVERYTHING in me not to call him or text him at ALL. I am surprised with myself that I haven't text him when I was drunk yet....

Keeping busy. That is basically the only thing I have to hold onto right now.

I started class.
Teaching class. I hate it. I'm not gonna lie. The only thing I like about it is that I am taking it with my one friend, but other than that? I don't care, I just want to go so I can say I am in grad school and doing something with my life.
I think I need to drop the class.

You know what is so frustrating though? That there are NO GRAD SCHOOLS FOR ADVERTISING!! I mean, seriously?! A lot of people have said that you don't need to go to grad school for advertising, but I'm like.... well? I am basically stuck in my life and my shitty job and I need OUT like NOW and I don't think I'm just going to get there by doing NOTHING.
I honestly have no clue what I want to do right now.
I want to do something related to the media industry. No clue what though. PR? Journalism? Marketing? Advertising? Online? Basically it needs to be anything online or dealing with social media/marketing/events/event planning.
Any clue what that would be considered? If you have ANY options/opinions for me, PLEASE by all means, comment and let me know! I am SO utterly confused. I need some direction.
photo credits: Jeremy G

The fashion shows were awesome, especially the couture one,,, as you can see from the pictures!

Tonight is the Yankee Game.. can't wait! This is prob the last of the season of my tickets, unless they go to the playoffs, then I think I have to fight my family members for them!

New Apartments!
We put the deposit down on the apartment, the two floor townhouse! It was $175, so if we find something better between now and November, then we can just lose it. But honestly, after looking at all of these crazy places, I don't think we will find any apartment any cheaper that is nicer in any way shape or form. So...... we are trying to move in November 1st. I hope this all works out and that it's not too expensive and everything.
I love my parents and I like living at home, but my life in is New York and I am here 6-7 days a week, it just doesn't make any sense for me to drive back and forth ALL of the time. Plus I sort of feel like I am waiting for T to call me since I am at home and I'm not doing really so I kind of feel like in the back of my mind I am not moving on either because I am just waiting. Everything is packed and ready in the basement in case he calls me and begs me you know what I mean? It's sort of hard to explain in words,, but I guess I didn't want to believe that I was just waiting but not (since I was so busy) for him. So.... this should be interesting. This place is awesome so it should be really nice and IF I were to potentially get a job in the city, it is like 5 minutes from the train station.
is this all i do?! photo credits: eLjeproks

Old Apartment
So we are fighting with my old landlord to get my security deposit back. She says there was damage in the apartment -- lie -- that place was SO CLEAN and well kept, there was no ROOM for damage! She says I never gave her enough time, and I said well sweetheart, "emergencies" usually don't give you very much time. I am not asking for the full deposit back, but granted that our lease ran out in June and she never asked us to resign PLUS the fact that it never said anything about having to give 30 days notice in the lease..... she really doesn't have much to go by.
Then I find out today that she disconnected her CELL ?! Uhm... hello. I have your home AND work phone number as well as your home address.... Let's not play games here! That is a lot of money. Bitch. She better at least give me half back. I scrubbed that apartment down. I didn't have to do that, I could have left it disgusting for her ass to clean up.

And i think that is basically it.... besides job searching and soul searching and life searching.... too much searching! lol

how is your life doing?

PS: just thought it was extremely funny that my mom wrote me an IM calling the ex T. haahahh she was reading my blog i see.


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