A Trip Gone Very Wrong.

Well.

I have come to the conclusion that running from your problems, will just make everything 100% worse. I will say that on Friday morning I hit an all time low in my life that I have never hit before. And probably the worst I have ever been before about someone and in a stupid situation. I guess I can recap it for you and tell you the outcome..but there was a lot of shit that happened in between that I just will try to recap it quickly, because it could be drawn out.

We decided to go to Vegas and drive S's roommate there, and I didnt know how to tell M. He was in bed with a pinched nerve and a fever and I felt so bad even telling him we were going to Vegas.  He questioned me about it and at first I didn't tell him the truth, but about 3 minutes later I told him we were going, because I knew I couldn't lie about the whole thing to him.

He flipped out. S flipped out. Everyone was flipping out. It was a real bad scene. I shouldnt have lied but I was trying to protect him from feeling bad about me going there while he was sick in bed and then do something spiteful to me because i was going to be in Vegas.

It ended up being really really horrible between  M's drama and him breaking up with me, again, and S being really upset and freaking out.... It was the worst. Then the drive back was even more horrible while S slept and I have to think about everything for 4 hours driving through a desert....so much for Vegas.

And the rest of the trip went by. I feel bad I wasnt a better guest, but it was really hard to be on my A game when everything went so horribly. On the bright side, S was a good host, we got some color and I got to see my friend in Beverly Hills and hang out. So it wasn't terrible, but the whole break up and drama was absolutely horrible. I caused more problems then good by going away.

M and I spoke yesterday, we came to drop off my key and me give him back his stuff.  We talked it out. He apologized, I apologized, not too much was solved from it besides the fact that it isnt totally over. We cant continue from this point right now, there is too much non-trust and us not sure what we want to be and things like that... So I am taking it one day at a time and we'll see what happens. Whatever is meant to be will be and I don't know how things will end up, and we're not dating and we're not together and I don't know much beyond the point of knowing that my heart won't let him go yet.

Ugh.  

San Diego, Irvine, LAX Here I come!

So Italy turned out to be literally too expensive unfortunately, so I made another plan. Go see Sara in Irvine California, rent a car and drive to San Diego. Its 2 hours to San Diego. I had to do it.
I've never been to either so I am very excited!

Nothing changed with M this weekend, after everything that I did for his birthday, between the surprise party I had planned and went through with to the Knicks game that I got him tickets to for his birthday. He STILL doesn't know what he wants ... if he wants to be single or not. Or wants to see what its like to be alone.

Okay. So be alone. Fuck you.

I can't handle it. I wasn't expecting anything from this weekend, but I was at least thinking it would change somethings, and it didn't so I honestly can't just sit here and wait for him.

Although I did tell him that even if he did change his mind, I don't know if I would want to be with him again. And he wasn't too thrilled with that answer. So.

I hope he gets a taste of reality when I jump on the plane to California.

I don't care. I needed to get away. I COULD get away..and I am. So I am just looking forward to spending time with Sara and driving all over Southern Cali.

Is there anywhere in San Diego that I need to go?! Please let me know... I make my way there :)




ps.... the winner of the Winter Giveaway is... Kendra from Silkybowties!   Send me your address when you can :)    jennifera328 at gmail dot com.