Monday, February 21, 2011

Heart vs Brain

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how do you control yourself when it comes to your heart? i am having a really hard time doing this. It's hard to control how you feel and then match it with what is the right decision and what others say is right as well.

love blinds you from seeing what the truth is. i know this, i have been blinded many times. and sometimes i wish i could see through it, but usually its too late and i don't see it until after shit has hit the fan.

the heart wants what the heart wants, and it over powers the brain and any sort of logical thinking that you can have. it's nearly impossible to ignore, and never feels okay when you try to. how do you stop yourself from loving what is wrong and believing in what is right? I have yet to understand how to do this.

it's so hard to look around at some couples and see how they are so happy and building their lives together and i can barely even keep someone wanting to stay with me for less than a year. i dont get it. all i want to do is be with someone. someone who wants to be with me and i love them and they love me back.

i dont want to be single. i am so over it. i want nothing to do with other people. i dont want to go on dates. and i dont want to kiss anyone else, let alone anything else. it is driving me nuts. to have fallen for someone who hasnt fallen for me.

and that again, brings me back to battling between my heart, which is the totally unreasonable desire i have for M, and my brain, which is telling me to run far, far away from him.

and i can't do it. and i dont know why, and i cant push the feeling and i know it will get worse because i don't really know if he wants to be with me and i dont know when ill be able to get myself to walk away.

i guess only time will tell.

4 comments:

Happy-lee said...

This post made me sad. If he can't make up his mind, that means his mind is already made up. Now is the time to make up yours. And don't worry, you'll find someone way better who will love you for exactly who you are. You don't want to be with someone who's on the fence about you either. You deserve to be with someone who's as crazy about you as you are about him.

Novelista Barista said...

thank u happy-lee... i cant wait to find that person :(

lifetasteslikefood said...

I can totally relate. I've held onto relationships for way too long because it's just so hard to let such a good thing go. Trust me, as heartbroken as I was and as much as I "knew" deep down inside that it wasn't right, it was so hard for me to just give up on a person and the idea of what we could have been. And finally that point hits where you're just sick of hurting and putting yourself in situations that just make you sad. At that point, you have to just do YOU. Even if it's being single. I think it's the hardest challenge to truly learn to be alone and learn to love yourself FULLY. But at the same time it's really refreshing and you come out stronger than ever.

I'm so sorry all of this happened to you, but this will open the door for someone that actually deserves your love. If he "doesn't know" then he's not good enough for you. You deserve someone that CAN"T live without you! Heartache sucks, and I'm sorry men are such idiots sometimes. Relatable songs totally help me through things like this, so if you need some, just email me!

Novelista Barista said...

aw thank u for ur advice..and ur totally right about one day ull wake up and be sick of being hurt.
i hope that day happens soon.

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