Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Deletion from Facebook Stage

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I hadn't deleted M from Facebook.

Until today.

Why?

Even though we havent talked in about a month, and I haven't seen or text him in just about the same time...

Why?

I don't know, I guess I wanted to see what he was up to. And I wanted him to see what I had been up to as well.

Not that it is all that much, and I really don't go all out and post every single detail about my life and what I'm doing all over Facebook like he does, but there were little jabs here and there that happened that I had liked him to have seen. And which he most definitely did... and if he were to say he didnt look at my facebook page, that would be an absolute lie.

I deleted him today for this reason....  he has deleted me from bbm, he has changed preferences so much over time so that I can no longer write on his wall (not that i would EVER do that), and I cannot see what other people post on his wall as well. So i figured, if he had to go to that much trouble so I couldn't see shit on his page or whatever, I should just delete him.

He has slowly but surely deleted my from his life, I made the final move. He most likely will never run into me, because I dont hangout where he does anymore. And he will never go where I go NOT because of me, but because purely of inconvenience; its too far. Which is totally fine with me.

It is sad how long and how much time and effort I have put into worrying about this kid and what hes doing and what he was doing and how I could get him to stay with me and love me and be with me... when in reality, it made absolutely NO difference what I did, or said, or didnt do... Because in the end, it was ALL about him, and not about me at all.

It is also sad how I let this happen to me. How I let him treat me like such absolute shit and pretend like everything was totally fine. The things I did for this kid to get everything that I got in return, is not even justified. I should have more respect for myself then that. That is an internal battle that I need to work on. And I have known this, but chose to ignore it...and look where that got me.

I feel strange about this. Good and bad.

Good because it will be a slap in the face to him, since he probably didnt think I would, just like he probably thought I would text him to cause a fight after he changed his settings on facebook to block me. Bad because it still sucks that this is the way it all had to end. That he couldnt be mature about anything at all and made it have to be like this. After a 4 year relationship with my OTHER ex,,,,, we parted ways and that was the end of it! This breakup has lasted so long and has just been drawn out.

I am just over it.


Give me your thoughts on the Facebook Deletion........ is that really the last stage? It feels like it...

12 comments:

PorkStar said...

I think it is close to the last stage. The last stage is that one where your heart and brain are in synch and don't miss the mofo at all.
Im currently going through the same issue with the ex gf and im counting the days when I'll delete her ass. I haven't done it because im just too chicken shit for it at the moment. But I have given myself till next week.

Eventhough I know she's banging some dude from her school and made it official on FB.

imlivinginadream said...

I agree with the comment before mine- it's definitely in the last stages. Once your heart and your brain 100% agree, then it's over for real. Guys are so much quicker about deleting us girls out of their lives, but it'll always take a bit longer for us, which is fine! You're definitely on the right track though, you don't need this dude in your life anymore. Time to find someone who deserves you!!

{Selma} Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

Yes, totally agree...this is it girl. You are on the right track and you are doing just absolutely fine not having him on your FB. You are better off without him, and will find someone better and someone who truly deserves you! Sounds corny and stuff but it's just that.
I am proud of you of finally having taken this step. YES!!!!

xoxo

nessabirdie said...

You doing better than me ... I haven't gotten that strong; I really don't mind him seeing my life ... but yeah, it can be a little awkward ...

Good job.

Dree said...

Yes, I really think that this is the last stage. Good for you to delete him - if he had made so much effort to remove you from his FB without actually deleting you, your move to go ahead and delete him was best. Plus, at least for me there is always anxiety when you're friends with someone that you don't feel right with. You don't want them seeing certain things or you're wondering about their page, etc. This final step clears you from that worry and lets you focus on better things. Onwards and upwards, my friend. I know that you are going to find someone who deserves you!!

Kattrina said...

Hey - totally unrelated, but I ran across a blog where a girl had taught English in Spain - thought I'd pass it on to you. She loved the program.

http://www.morethanenglish.com/anglos/index.asp


PS. I think it's totally time to delete him from FB. Move on!!!

Brahmin in Boston said...

It is close and slowly he will be out of your mind forever.

Out of sight will be out of mind too. That was a good step that you took. It proved that you are braver than him.

TINGkabelle CHAN ♥ said...

for me, facebook deletion was the first thing i did (he doesn't use FB much anyways)... and then his msn, mobile number, and all the pictures that ever existed... other than deleting memories of a cheating ex, i also didn't want him to know anything about me anymore... i wanted to block any possible feelings of sympathy or remorse from him... because i don't want it, and i won't let him. but i understand very much how you feel about it... just remember to let nothing hold you back from the life you want~ take care x

Miss Mercedes said...

It's the first step hon. Now...on to the rest of your life! :-)

Swapnil N said...

Well it hurts to be treated like this...specially by someone who we wanted and tried to give everything we had....but at some point of time it realizes that all the efforts were not worth.....but most of the times in relations of heart the realization comes a bit too late.....when we find our self broken and tired......coz perhaps one of them is too involved and other is not.....you are right to say that some part of blame goes to us when we allow ourself getting treated like dirt by others.....but not everything can be controlled by muscles.....certain things had be beared at the expense of feelings we feel deeply about somebody.....but they are the best lessons we learn in life and worth the pain.....though we learn them the hard way......my dear friend when you get over this u feel like a completely new person.....you already started to walk on that path.....my wishes are with you....i don't know how was ur relation and how that person was but whoever and however he is.....just forget and forgive him.....he don't deserve your thoughts and time anymore......

Novelista Barista said...

@Swapnil N thank u for your kind words. and i completely agree with u !!!

Jennifer M. said...

Good job!! He doesn't deserve you at all.

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