I hadn't deleted M from Facebook.
Even though we havent talked in about a month, and I haven't seen or text him in just about the same time...
I don't know, I guess I wanted to see what he was up to. And I wanted him to see what I had been up to as well.
Not that it is all that much, and I really don't go all out and post every single detail about my life and what I'm doing all over Facebook like he does, but there were little jabs here and there that happened that I had liked him to have seen. And which he most definitely did... and if he were to say he didnt look at my facebook page, that would be an absolute lie.
I deleted him today for this reason.... he has deleted me from bbm, he has changed preferences so much over time so that I can no longer write on his wall (not that i would EVER do that), and I cannot see what other people post on his wall as well. So i figured, if he had to go to that much trouble so I couldn't see shit on his page or whatever, I should just delete him.
He has slowly but surely deleted my from his life, I made the final move. He most likely will never run into me, because I dont hangout where he does anymore. And he will never go where I go NOT because of me, but because purely of inconvenience; its too far. Which is totally fine with me.
It is sad how long and how much time and effort I have put into worrying about this kid and what hes doing and what he was doing and how I could get him to stay with me and love me and be with me... when in reality, it made absolutely NO difference what I did, or said, or didnt do... Because in the end, it was ALL about him, and not about me at all.
It is also sad how I let this happen to me. How I let him treat me like such absolute shit and pretend like everything was totally fine. The things I did for this kid to get everything that I got in return, is not even justified. I should have more respect for myself then that. That is an internal battle that I need to work on. And I have known this, but chose to ignore it...and look where that got me.
I feel strange about this. Good and bad.
Good because it will be a slap in the face to him, since he probably didnt think I would, just like he probably thought I would text him to cause a fight after he changed his settings on facebook to block me. Bad because it still sucks that this is the way it all had to end. That he couldnt be mature about anything at all and made it have to be like this. After a 4 year relationship with my OTHER ex,,,,, we parted ways and that was the end of it! This breakup has lasted so long and has just been drawn out.
I am just over it.
Give me your thoughts on the Facebook Deletion........ is that really the last stage? It feels like it...