January - Shittiest Month Ever

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Although I have no idea where it went, I am glad it is almost gone. This has been the worst month. Still not able to find a job, finally got unemployment coming to me so I don't feel as broke and now serious issues with M.

There is nothing that can replace the feeling of being completely alone and miserable and worthless. With no job and having no where to be, with M not really being there because he needs "some time to figure out what he wants" and then my friends just not being around, I feel like I have absolutely nothing. I have nothing to wake up for.

The only good thing in my life right now is that I go to the gym and I have my blog and I am taking 2 education classes. And that's it.

I need to get away.

I am planning on going to Italy. I can't keep waiting for M anymore. I don't know what is going to happen with him. I have no idea. His birthday is this weekend and I planned a surprise party and got him Knicks tickets and yesterday he tells me he doesn't know if he wants to be single or with me.. again.

I am lost. Yet again.
It's not fair.

So now I need to get away. I need to be selfish. I need to leave and do whatever I want to do.
I am always so worried about doing other things for people that I don't ever think about myself. That has to change.

So if I can afford this, I am going to Italy the 2nd week of February and I am going to stay with my cousins since they are studying abroad there and then I'll come back.

I can't deal with my shitty life here so I am just going to run away for a little bit.

Yeah it's not the smartest idea, but if I don't go, I'm afraid I will go crazy.

NB Life Update

I feel like I haven't told you anything about my life lately,,, and although it is not too exciting, you should know anyway! lol

Let's re-cap life...

T
So, it has been officially 2 weeks now since I have moved out and seen T. Pretty sad. The missing him is getting worse by the day when I try to figure out who I can go hiking with or who will go to Portsmouth with me, or who I can just chill outside with. And although we didn't do it that much, but I have been trying to think of WHO I would ask and I cant come up with anyone. And that is sort of depressing.. I mean I can always go by myself, but it's just that I know he would enjoy it and we would have fun together.......ugh, makes me sad. I still miss him, it is taking EVERYTHING in me not to call him or text him at ALL. I am surprised with myself that I haven't text him when I was drunk yet....

Keeping busy. That is basically the only thing I have to hold onto right now.


School!
I started class.
Teaching class. I hate it. I'm not gonna lie. The only thing I like about it is that I am taking it with my one friend, but other than that? I don't care, I just want to go so I can say I am in grad school and doing something with my life.
I think I need to drop the class.

You know what is so frustrating though? That there are NO GRAD SCHOOLS FOR ADVERTISING!! I mean, seriously?! A lot of people have said that you don't need to go to grad school for advertising, but I'm like.... well? I am basically stuck in my life and my shitty job and I need OUT like NOW and I don't think I'm just going to get there by doing NOTHING.
I honestly have no clue what I want to do right now.
I want to do something related to the media industry. No clue what though. PR? Journalism? Marketing? Advertising? Online? Basically it needs to be anything online or dealing with social media/marketing/events/event planning.
Any clue what that would be considered? If you have ANY options/opinions for me, PLEASE by all means, comment and let me know! I am SO utterly confused. I need some direction.

photo credits: Jeremy G

The fashion shows were awesome, especially the couture one,,, as you can see from the pictures!

Tonight is the Yankee Game.. can't wait! This is prob the last of the season of my tickets, unless they go to the playoffs, then I think I have to fight my family members for them!

New Apartments!
We put the deposit down on the apartment, the two floor townhouse! It was $175, so if we find something better between now and November, then we can just lose it. But honestly, after looking at all of these crazy places, I don't think we will find any apartment any cheaper that is nicer in any way shape or form. So...... we are trying to move in November 1st. I hope this all works out and that it's not too expensive and everything.
I love my parents and I like living at home, but my life in is New York and I am here 6-7 days a week, it just doesn't make any sense for me to drive back and forth ALL of the time. Plus I sort of feel like I am waiting for T to call me since I am at home and I'm not doing really so I kind of feel like in the back of my mind I am not moving on either because I am just waiting. Everything is packed and ready in the basement in case he calls me and begs me back....do you know what I mean? It's sort of hard to explain in words,, but I guess I didn't want to believe that I was just waiting but not (since I was so busy) for him. So.... this should be interesting. This place is awesome so it should be really nice and IF I were to potentially get a job in the city, it is like 5 minutes from the train station.

is this all i do?! photo credits: eLjeproks

Old Apartment
So we are fighting with my old landlord to get my security deposit back. She says there was damage in the apartment -- lie -- that place was SO CLEAN and well kept, there was no ROOM for damage! She says I never gave her enough time, and I said well sweetheart, "emergencies" usually don't give you very much time. I am not asking for the full deposit back, but granted that our lease ran out in June and she never asked us to resign PLUS the fact that it never said anything about having to give 30 days notice in the lease..... she really doesn't have much to go by.
Then I find out today that she disconnected her CELL ?! Uhm... hello. I have your home AND work phone number as well as your home address.... Let's not play games here! That is a lot of money. Bitch. She better at least give me half back. I scrubbed that apartment down. I didn't have to do that, I could have left it disgusting for her ass to clean up.
ugh!!


And i think that is basically it.... besides job searching and soul searching and life searching.... too much searching! lol

how is your life doing?


PS: just thought it was extremely funny that my mom wrote me an IM calling the ex T. haahahh she was reading my blog i see.