Wednesday, September 15, 2010
this weekend has been horrible.
i wish that i could just run away and go drive somewhere for the weekend. i think i will have to soon.
m now is confused to if he wants a relationship or not because ours is getting serious. i can't believe it. he asked me to give him till this weekend to figure out what he wants. that is the VERY SHORT version of it.... there is so so much more that was said, but in short, thats the main thing.
we ended up going to the eminem concert on monday....which BTW was SO awesome.... and it was awkward between us... we talked later on, still accomplished nothing, i decided to stop talking to him about it until this weekend and see what happens. he came over my house last night and told me how he missed me..... such confusing signals. I am really at loss for what to do.
my theory is.... we dont get that much time to hang out because his schedule is crazy, two weeks in a row i gave him shit for going out late to the bar and not hanging out with me since i hadnt seen him. now, he is a very stubborn, selfish, italian man, and he usually gets what he wants and his ex let him do whatever and even though she would say no, he would do it anyway because she was still there waiting for him.
now.. i am not at all the same. and she never hung out wtih his friends, never did anything together....so he basically had a separate life without her allowing him to do whatever he wanted to. with me,,,, i hang out with his friends, we all go out together, we all are friends. so he has no separate life.
So he is starting to feel the pressure of a serious relationship and he cant just do shit to me like he could to her. So he needed to question our relationship since that was the only logical answer to him, that he needed to be single so he can go and do what he wants. Although he doesnt want to lose me at the same time. So there's a moral dilemma there.
Now I am waiting to figure out what he's going to do. He is so used to being treated like shit and doing whatever he wants and not feeling bad for it, that is completely different. I dont know... maybe he does need to be single. I really dont know.
It hurts. It hurts so bad because I allowed myself to open up to someone and feel those feelings I never wanted to feel again, and then I get hurt.
And here I am.
Any advice? I know that was the real short version with waaaay less details.