Thursday, April 9, 2009

Once a Cheater...

"There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me...or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you."


I found this quote for my best friend today. She came over upset last night, told me some crazy information about her boyfriend and pretty much clear evidence that points to the one word that no one wants to have in their relationship vocabulary: CHEATER.

I don't know know what she is going to do. I support her either way. I thought that quote was best fit for this situation because in midst of conversations between them, there were things that he wasn't feeling about their situation, which really, no one is perfect. And I believe if you are with someone, you are WITH them. You are all in-- regardless of what they do, look like, or act like or the baggage that accompanies them. You have it all. You cannot have one part, a little of the second part and then choose not to have the third part. This is not pizza. You can't pick off the toppings that you don't like. Its 100% or nothing.


I hope he mans up to his actions and speaks the truth.... I hope this is false!!!!!!!!!!!! I really do and I hope for the best.


Ciao

9 comments:

The Passionate Book Worm said...

You are so right. I would never be with someone who didn't accept me fully for who I was.

Kylie said...

This post is SO true! I really like that quote! Hopefully your friend realizes that she is better than the cheater and there is someone out there who will live her for who she is...EVERY bit of her!!

The Blonde Duck said...

I saw you on the Bookworm's blog and wanted to say hi!

The Novelista Barista said...

It sucks because I really liked him too!!! i am hoping there is a slight chance we her and I are WRONG...and that this never happened... but I have a feeling, that won't be the case :(

Skewedreality04 said...

I have always believed once a cheater always a cheater. My thing is what has changed between the cheating incident and the present that makes the person decide ok I suddenly love you enough to not do it anymore. It was a rookie mistake and it will never happen again. I would say you are damn right it won't happen again because it's over. You are right to support your friend in whatever she wants to do though because it's what she needs right now.

Kelly Deneen said...

I tend to agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. This is a great post, and I wish your friend well!

Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier! As for how I do all that...a few things have gone by the wayside since having a baby, but somehow I get the rest of it done. I just have to. ;)

The Novelista Barista said...

So.... to update the post... my friend has been talking to him and she believes that he didnt actually cheat. It was an idea that he entertained.. But never actually went through with it. Although that itself is not cool and he shouldn't be talking to other girls after hours FRIENDS OR NOT! But he is worth giving another chance I believe... and she believes too.... sooooo.... I swear to god if he fucks her over though! I will beat his ass.

xo

the.lifestyle.artist said...

An idea he entertained? Sometimes men are idiots all by themselves...

I spoke to the dating coach recently about cheating. His opinion is that men will cheat not because they are programmed that way or because they have done it before, but because there is something lacking in the relationship that they are seeking else where. Either a physical or emotional connection.

To put it clearly
history of at least 75% good shared emotions + physical attraction & satisfaction + high value & same values = love for that person

if one of these is lacking... usually the good shared emotions after a while. e.g girl becomes hard to please, arguments, nagging, stress... then the guy starts to think the grass is greener.

If thats the case. If it is the shared emotions. Your friend can 'train' her guy to act in a way that pleases her so that he then enjoys spending time with her. But she has to modify her behaviour first to get him to change. From experience thats the only way i've ever got a guy to do what i want ;)

And i know it sounds like a lot of effort. But i think its just about being aware how your behaviour affects others.

Lisa x

The Novelista Barista said...

Thanks Lisa that is SO true... when they spoke he finally told her (since he doesnt voice his opinion) that he felt like she was looking for someone else and that she wasnt that into him, which was something she didnt know how he felt. So I see where you say what u said above; that fits in. So hopefully they will be able to work this out -- he is good for her .... some people deserve second chances.

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