Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Trouble in Paradise

I hate trouble. Especially relationship trouble.

And that is where I am now.

Last night the boyfriend and I talked about our relationship and how some things weren't working out. For the most part we get along fine and there aren't any problems and we are happy together having a good time. But there are some key issues that we have. One being that we are completely different and we both see situations COMPLETELY differently. Usually, he sees them correctly and I don't. Once he points them out, I can see where he is coming from and I can't understand WHY I dont think of that first. It is almost annoying that I can't think of the situation like that first.

Let me give some examples to better explain myself and this situation. For instance, we went out to dinner the other night. Not a big deal, we are not cheap, we like to go out and all that jazz. But, the background scenario, we just got back from Costa Rica, we are planning to go to Peru at the end of May, and basically, we need to save ever penny for this trip. But we still go out to dinner, because I suggest that we go, and he doesn't disagree with me. So we are spending money on stuff we don't need. Or we get take out delivered to our house and that's another amount of money that we didn't need to spend either. His dilemma is that he is saving money and then by the end of the weekend, it's all gone because we are spending it like crazy. And I totally see his point; but AFTER the fact that it was mentioned.

Let me just tell you, I SUCK at saving money. It is like nearly impossible for me to do. I have 2 credit card bills, cell phone bill, cable/internet bill, heat & electricity bill, school tuition bill, rent bill; it NEVER ends! Although we do split everything mostly, it's just a money pit to have an apartment or basically live in this area. Plus I do like to buy some new clothes or something. BUT I must admit that I have been really good, I barely have bought anything this entire year so far -- and that is good for me, because last year I went on a rampage.

The boyfriends point is that I don't see it, and I usually make the plans for him without even asking him and if he doesn't want to do them, he feels like a dick because I already made the plans, so he has to go along with them. My point of view on that is that the plans are usually with our friends we hang out with all the time, so I didn't really think it was a big deal ---which its not he is making the point that we need to save money--- but he is saying that he never gets to even attempt to make the plans. So I never really saw it like that until he said something. So I really need to be more, accommodating I guess is the word and not make all the plans. But sometimes I feel like if i dont make the plans, THERE WON'T BE ANY! And I really don't like sitting around and doing nothing on my only days off... So I mean I guess I need to stop being the plan maker a few times.

Another part of the conversation is that we are never affectionate towards each other. Which is true. We have been dating for 3 years now and it has grown less and less kissy kissy and hugs and sitting on his lap and cuddling watching tv, and things like that. And I dont mean that we need to be PDA all the time and everywhere, but like holding hands while walking somewhere or kisses randomly, or something like that would be nice. And I am at fault too because I don't do this either. I dont know why, I guess sometimes we're either too busy or our couch is too small. I know those are excuses but it is true. Another thing we need to work on ASAP.

I feel like maybe I have been selfish. That I actually care more about what I want to do than what he wants to do. And that is REALLY SHITTY. I don't want to be that person. I am not a selfish person. But I guess I have been selfish without even realizing it. And that needs to change.

What I have taken out of this conversation, is that we need to work on a bunch of things and that I alone need to work on things too.

WE need to work on..

1. Being more affectionate -- love!! kisses!! hugs! hand holding! It involves these things and we miss them! We need them back!

2. Spending more time together -- outside, walking, going to the park, sitting on the porch, watching a movie. Now that its nice outside we'll be able to do things like this, its really hard in the winter to do anything that is outdoors. Plus we spend too much time infront of the computer and the television --they are sucking away our lives.

3. Saving Money. We are trying to go away for two weeks in exactly ONE month from now and we need serious $$$ for that trip.. I really hope we can do this. Plus we have to buy the plane tickets and the hotel and the car.... AND pay rent. Ugh!

4. Communicating more with each other and talking about things instead of just brushing them off until a later date

I need to work on..

1. Being more affectionate and loving; make the effort!!!!

2. Letting the boyfriend make the plans for once -- i think i can deal with this especially if my reward is going on vacation in a month.

3. Stop spending money and save it. Bring lunch from home, NO NEW CLOTHES, NO NEW BAGS, no pedicures/manicures, stop buying stuff from Target that I don't need

4. Save money!!!!!!!! seriously.

5. Stop being selfish.

6. Make an effort to fix these things

I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!! We are GOING to Peru! Our relationship WILL be better. I WILL work on myself and thinking before I act (since I have serious problems with that).

Why? Because I love him. That's why. And I will NOT let someone so good, fall through the cracks. Because he is my best friend. And he deserves it!

"They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone."

Advice is welcome :)


Kylie said...

Sounds to me like you guys are already on the right path to making things better. Best of luck!!

Fidgeting Gidget said...

The fact that you two were able to sit down and talk about it is a major plus. The first step is always realizing there's a problem, and sometimes that's the hardest step. Seriously, if you were able to recognize that you need to change some things, I think the two of you will work it out and be fine.

PS: I am wayyyyy jealous that you get to go to Peru. How exotic!

The Novelista Barista said...

Oh i hope you're right!
And i hope we get to go to Peru!!!! I really hope it happens... i'd be pretty sad if we didnt end up going

Chatham said...

The fact that you guys can communicate is great! Have a blast in Peru!

M.J. said...

Sounds to me like you don't need advice--you know where the problems lie and have obviously thought a lot about them.

On a more cheery note, I would love to exchange stories with you after your trip. A few years ago, I went to Peru and did a 5-day hike through the Andes to Machu Picchu. It's a beautiful country and the food is fabulous--you'll love it!

PLP said...

Wow, let me start by saying that you have cleared more than half the problem by focusing on the solutions. The way you have organized your thoughts is step one to getting back on track!

I don't know if this can be called advice, because relationship advice is not my forte, but the fact that you realize, listen, communicate is imperative and you'll be right on track :)

I love the way you write and organize yourself in your writing :)

PLP said...

I just realized I wrote more or less the same thing as every one else :S

the girl in stiletto said...

Peru sounds awesome! well, a relationship is a work. as long as you both realize that there are changes have to be made & that you both are willing to work things out, you're going to the right direction. communication is the most important thing in any relationship (and sex) ahahah. you'll do just fine. the list on things for improvement sounds like one step to make things better :)

The Novelista Barista said...

THANKS everyone :)im so glad that everyone reads my blog! its like my excitement to see comments lol, is that totally ridiculous?!

i hope that i can act as well as i can write! because i can usually understand where the problem is, know what i have to do to fix it, and then somehow NOT do it. It is annoying that I do that! And i really need to work on that badly!!!

The Novelista Barista said...

PLP U can write as much as you want : )

Thomas said...

Can we do anything to help?

The Girl of Make Believe said...

The first step is recognizing where you're going wrong and you've both already done that. Now, it's the nitty gritty and I truly hope you both succeed because it's so obvious that you're in love and you both deserve to be happy. I wish you all the best and hope the changes happen, I'm sure they will. I have every confidence in you! Good luck!
And I'm jealous about the holiday, seems like ages since I went to Paris argh! x

for the love of pictures said...

That was a great post Novelista. Everyone else has pretty much said what I was thinking :) The fact that you recognize what needs to change is an amazing start. You two are going to be fine now that you know what needs to be addressed. Have an amazing time on your trip :)

Amanda said...

Love your blog:) Good luck to you both:)

The Novelista Barista said...

thanks everyone.... i think we'll be okay as long i work on those things!! thanks for the support

Kristina said...

I'm late on the post, but I think things sound well planned. I just made a similar list for my relationship so let me know how it goes on your end. Good luck!

The Novelista Barista said...

good luck to you too!!!

Thomas said...

I love the seriousness you bring to your relationship. I suspect you two will be fine.

The Novelista Barista said...

thanks! i hope so!


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