Thursday, March 11, 2010

This Shouldn't Be That Hard

How is being single so hard? Between the having emotions for more than one person and the being ditched and let down and the not being able to hold anyone to anything... it's fucking stressful!!! I don't understand how people do it!! I have never been good at this but I guess I am working on it... apparently I am very very bad at this.

I apparently make people feel 'trapped' so then I end up having to back off and I can't be myself,,, and that fucking sucks too.

I mean i guess i do it to myself because I made the "rules" but since I am such an emotional mess, it really wouldnt do anyone any good to be in a real relationship with me anyway.. I mean I still am not completely over T yet.. I can't even try to give someone the full 100% they deserve. It is not fait to them.

I dont know what the hell I want. Is that bad? Should I? Things have gotten weird with people so I really don't know what to make of that or how to take it. The only thing I could think of to do what to step back and be less 'needy'. I didn't realize I was like that... but it is good to know, so I don't continue to be like that.

And then you have others, who are around and around and then Gone! Like what?! Did i miss something? Who knows... It sucks to see them and wonder wtf happened and is it going to happen again or was that it?


I think i need to just do me.... it's so hard... i am very much a person that likes to be around people all the time. But it looks like my options are very slim.



Golden Stilettos said...

How long have you and T been broken up for?

From my experince, it took me almost three years to be able to fully give myself to another man.

But in those three years I did just focus on myself.. I spent as much time as I could with my friends and I just made myself happy. Of course there were boys here and there but I kept it just fun.. nothing serious.

Then one day i woke up and felt ready! Ready to love again. The trust part, however, didn't come around until recently. Being able to trust someone with your heart is hard but if he's the right man it's easy!

Good luck and focus on you!

Smile because you can!

KekeLynn said...

I kind of have the opposite opinion on relationships. I'm bad at them and when things start to go well, then I panic because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's easier for me to be alone and avoid all that.

BTW, I'm living in the city now, so let me know if you're come down!

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Very honest post here, You will be fine, find you not just do you. That's the key!
If you are going through hell, keep on going!
I'm going to hope for you to have a special interlude. Watch for him, and enjoy it!

Anonymous said...

I don't believe in needy. I only say someone is needy if I'm not into her. But the girls that I've really loved, I never thought they were needy. What I mean is, if you're into someone and they feel the same way about you, then you want to make them happy. You don't see it as being needy or annoying. Well, best of luck to you and take care.

Simply Valorie said...

Oh man. I know exactly what you're going through. When Mr. Man and I broke up for a long time, I felt the exact same way. But honestly, thinking this way: "I am such an emotional mess, it really wouldnt do anyone any good to be in a real relationship with me anyway.. I mean I still am not completely over T yet.. I can't even try to give someone the full 100% they deserve." isn't fair to YOU. If you tell yourself that, you're denying yourself the chance to even try. Don't tell yourself you're an emotional mess, and someday you won't be. You may not be able to give someone 100% immediately, but that's okay, that'll help you take it slow. And before you know it, you'll be giving 100% and you won't even be sure when things changed. :)

Ali said...

It shouldn't be that hard, but it totally is. I'm with you. It sucks sometimes, but you live and learn.

Erny said...

Please do not put all the blame on yourself. It takes two in a relationship.

Old memories will continue to seep through somehow but please surround yourself with people and things that make you happy right now. Who knows, the right man might come along when you least expected.

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Just love the images you use in your posts.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Andhari said...

It sucks sometimes but the freedom is liberating, especially if you have a lot of friends. Try not to put expectation unless you're very sure of the guy and he shows all signs that he wants to start something with you. Less expectation = less neediness.


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