Monday, February 28, 2011

Barista Blogs

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Here is a list of barista blogs that Culinary Arts College listed as the top 10: For your brewing pleasure: The Top 10 Barista Blogs

There is a blog on there from a Starbucks Barista, a live journal for baristas, and one of the popular ones, Bikini Baristas.

Go take a look  :)

Sunday, February 27, 2011

A Baby Shower for Gianna Vida :)


My best friend's moving down to Florida this past week so we had her shower early.... shes so pretty as a baby mama :)

My niece's name is going to be Gianna Vida.   Soooooo beautiful.





This is my FAVORITE thing I bought for her!!! :) LOVE it.


I'm gonna miss them :(  I hate that they have to move so far away. ughhh.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Jar of Hearts, Christina Perri



best quote of this song..... "you're going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Quote

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"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life."

elizabeth gilbert
eat pray love

Monday, February 21, 2011

Heart vs Brain

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how do you control yourself when it comes to your heart? i am having a really hard time doing this. It's hard to control how you feel and then match it with what is the right decision and what others say is right as well.

love blinds you from seeing what the truth is. i know this, i have been blinded many times. and sometimes i wish i could see through it, but usually its too late and i don't see it until after shit has hit the fan.

the heart wants what the heart wants, and it over powers the brain and any sort of logical thinking that you can have. it's nearly impossible to ignore, and never feels okay when you try to. how do you stop yourself from loving what is wrong and believing in what is right? I have yet to understand how to do this.

it's so hard to look around at some couples and see how they are so happy and building their lives together and i can barely even keep someone wanting to stay with me for less than a year. i dont get it. all i want to do is be with someone. someone who wants to be with me and i love them and they love me back.

i dont want to be single. i am so over it. i want nothing to do with other people. i dont want to go on dates. and i dont want to kiss anyone else, let alone anything else. it is driving me nuts. to have fallen for someone who hasnt fallen for me.

and that again, brings me back to battling between my heart, which is the totally unreasonable desire i have for M, and my brain, which is telling me to run far, far away from him.

and i can't do it. and i dont know why, and i cant push the feeling and i know it will get worse because i don't really know if he wants to be with me and i dont know when ill be able to get myself to walk away.

i guess only time will tell.

Glamorous

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Everything in life is connected somehow. You may have to dig deep to find it but its there. Everything is the same even though its different. Somehow everything connects back with your life. The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same. Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left. Picture back to a year ago and the situation you were in. Look at how things are different yet somehow everything it still in someway cognate. Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure. Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin. Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A Trip Gone Very Wrong.


Well.

I have come to the conclusion that running from your problems, will just make everything 100% worse. I will say that on Friday morning I hit an all time low in my life that I have never hit before. And probably the worst I have ever been before about someone and in a stupid situation. I guess I can recap it for you and tell you the outcome..but there was a lot of shit that happened in between that I just will try to recap it quickly, because it could be drawn out.

We decided to go to Vegas and drive S's roommate there, and I didnt know how to tell M. He was in bed with a pinched nerve and a fever and I felt so bad even telling him we were going to Vegas.  He questioned me about it and at first I didn't tell him the truth, but about 3 minutes later I told him we were going, because I knew I couldn't lie about the whole thing to him.

He flipped out. S flipped out. Everyone was flipping out. It was a real bad scene. I shouldnt have lied but I was trying to protect him from feeling bad about me going there while he was sick in bed and then do something spiteful to me because i was going to be in Vegas.

It ended up being really really horrible between  M's drama and him breaking up with me, again, and S being really upset and freaking out.... It was the worst. Then the drive back was even more horrible while S slept and I have to think about everything for 4 hours driving through a desert....so much for Vegas.

And the rest of the trip went by. I feel bad I wasnt a better guest, but it was really hard to be on my A game when everything went so horribly. On the bright side, S was a good host, we got some color and I got to see my friend in Beverly Hills and hang out. So it wasn't terrible, but the whole break up and drama was absolutely horrible. I caused more problems then good by going away.

M and I spoke yesterday, we came to drop off my key and me give him back his stuff.  We talked it out. He apologized, I apologized, not too much was solved from it besides the fact that it isnt totally over. We cant continue from this point right now, there is too much non-trust and us not sure what we want to be and things like that... So I am taking it one day at a time and we'll see what happens. Whatever is meant to be will be and I don't know how things will end up, and we're not dating and we're not together and I don't know much beyond the point of knowing that my heart won't let him go yet.

Ugh.  

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Interactive Thursdays!

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question...



if you could say one thing to someone you never got the chance to, what would it be?




my answer...

i would say to my ex, there were many things about our relationship that i see now, that make me feel grateful that someone cared like that for me, and I am sorry that I didn't see that before.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Art for your Home

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I am no artist. Very unfortunate that I didnt get that gene, but my sister did. She's a great artist. So unlike her, I have to buy my own art for my house and make it look nice, instead of just being able to design what I want to have on the walls.

There are certain websites that I have found some great pieces at that you should take a look at if you are as untalented art wise (or very artistic and have no time to be artistic!) as I am, to find some nice paintings to put on your wall, I found a really great selection of artwork at www.cheapoilpainting.com .

Oil paintings are great for everywhere in your house. They have paintings like the Mona Lisa, Vincent Van Gogh paintings and many more. There are also Oil Painting Reproductions that are very nice and not too expensive to pick from as well.

Another nice option is for Oil Painting on Canvas, they have great pictures to choose from. It's always hard to find nice paintings that aren't terribly expensive and not great quality but these are great sites to look at.

Enjoy!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

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everything in my life is so up in the air. jobs, relationships.. its like ugh, can't i just have one thing be solid?!

thank god i am leaving for california.. I have never actually run that far from my problems before, but this time i need it.

have you ever run from your problems?


listening to: "please me like you want to" by ben harper & jack johnson

Friday, February 4, 2011

Please me like you want to

Perfect song for my life right now.








Don't do me any favors
matter of fact why don't you
do yourself a few

your presence ain't nobody's blessing
I've got plenty of other things
I could do

oh no, not another excuse
your tired silly games
for me are just no use

and now it's plain for me to see
you're with somebody
that you don't want to be

so won't you
please please me like you want to
not like you have to
or won't you just go on and leave me
leaving me is the least that you could do

you could have spared me
so much misery
and told me you just wanted
a friend

believe me there is a difference
when you mean it
and when you pretend

or was I just your habit
cause I know a habit
is a hard thing to break

but won't you spare me
a little mercy
there's only so much
so much that I can take

so won't you
please please me like you want to
not like you have to
or won't you just go on and leave me

leaving me is the least that you could do 

Another Week Down.

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i had a breakdown today and i text M and said way too much stuff that i shouldnt have and let down my stronger guard that i had before. his stupid status on bbm (which i would very much like to delete off my phone if i wasnt a complete asshole)

i wish i hadnt because after talking to Micher, who's helped me tremendously through this whole mess thank god other wise i woulda jumped off a bridge by now, i realized that i sounded like a desperate tool. And here I am trying to sound like a tougher person who can handle this. And then I do this.

UGH

Everything is so frustrating. I don't understand why nothing just works out in my favor.

The great thing about today besides that whole fiasco was that I observed a special education class and LOVED it. Really really liked it... I was surprised, i thought i wasnt going to like the crazy kids lol... and I really did!!!!! It kept me occupied and interested the whole entire time.

I did get offered a job at a daycare right down the road to work in the infant-toddler room... but it does pay really bad. So I am going to see if there is anyway if I work there part time if I can still get unemployment. Soooo.... that would be awesome if that were possible because then I would be busy and still be making enough money to pay my rent.

Nothing is ever easy for me. Ever.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Interactive Thursdays!



Question...

What do you do when you're sad and you want to feel better?


My Answer...

I guess what I usually do is talk to my friends and get their opinions on whatever the situation is and try to talk about it as much as possible so I can understand the situation and help myself get out of it.

Another thing I will do is write in my blog, and talk about it here... I have found that helps so much because people will actually respond and write back and they are unbiased because they don't know the situation. 

Other then that... either reading a book, or getting out of my house is usually the best thing possible.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Post of the Week Submissions!

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The winner from last week's Posts of the Week Submission is...... Beyond My Smile and her post was Jamaica - Day 7 -Part 1.  


I chose this post because she met her father!! I think that is so amazing and they look very happy in it. It is a very touching post to read about what it's like to meet a family member for the first time and I am glad she was able to share this. 




And it's time to enter again!!! 


It's Wednesday. The half way point in the week. There isn't really anything special about Wednesday's at all.
That's why I want your posts of the week. Every Wednesday. Here (below)

If you....
have a favorite post of yours that you've written, post it here
like someone else's post and think it should belong, post it here
something really important happened and people need to know, post it here

Whatever it may it, it belongs here. Then on Sunday I will pick the winner of the week. If you have any problems trying to submit your post, please let me know!

I look forward to seeing your favorite submissions!





I Can't Wait to Find This...

I hate being single. It's never been my thing. I like being with someone, I give a lot. I am very unselfish and I love to make other people happy.
I just wish the people I want to make happy wanted me back.

Maybe one day...
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

San Diego Advice

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Anyone have any advice on where I can go in San Diego?
I am specifically looking for.....

coffee shops (of course)
boutiques
vintage clothing stores


anything along the lines of the "must see" things!

San Diego, Irvine, LAX Here I come!

So Italy turned out to be literally too expensive unfortunately, so I made another plan. Go see Sara in Irvine California, rent a car and drive to San Diego. Its 2 hours to San Diego. I had to do it.
I've never been to either so I am very excited!

Nothing changed with M this weekend, after everything that I did for his birthday, between the surprise party I had planned and went through with to the Knicks game that I got him tickets to for his birthday. He STILL doesn't know what he wants ... if he wants to be single or not. Or wants to see what its like to be alone.

Okay. So be alone. Fuck you.

I can't handle it. I wasn't expecting anything from this weekend, but I was at least thinking it would change somethings, and it didn't so I honestly can't just sit here and wait for him.

Although I did tell him that even if he did change his mind, I don't know if I would want to be with him again. And he wasn't too thrilled with that answer. So.

I hope he gets a taste of reality when I jump on the plane to California.

I don't care. I needed to get away. I COULD get away..and I am. So I am just looking forward to spending time with Sara and driving all over Southern Cali.


Is there anywhere in San Diego that I need to go?! Please let me know... I make my way there :)




ps.... the winner of the Winter Giveaway is... Kendra from Silkybowties!   Send me your address when you can :)    jennifera328 at gmail dot com.

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