Wednesday, April 7, 2010

BH Files - In Need of a Mind Eraser

Do you ever wish that you could just erase something from your mind.... and pretend that it never happend? Or just press a rewind button and make it so that it never did?

It has been almost two months since you dumped me. Only, you wouldn't want me to use the word dump because it's too harsh for your pretty world. Yesterday (March 25th) should have been our anniversary, I didn't want to remember it, but it just popped out in my mind.

You know, if you're planning to dump me for somebody else, then make it plan in that fact: You don't like me anymore. If you could have just been honest, I might have been a little less hurt. The lies that you tell are like salt in the wound. I'll pretend that you don't exist at all if it weren't for one thing: your pity.

Other than that, I really have nothing to say to you. You are, as far as I'm concerned, not worth it. I cried. It was a waste of tears.

I think the worst part of this all is that your "sympathy" is all just words to make yourself look better. I can't believe you. It's downright pity and I'm too proud to accept it. I don't deserve something that cheap when something real might come my way. I don't need you, either.

We hardly speak anymore, even though you tell me you want to get back together with me. Whatever. It hurts me to say that I think we are done for a while. You can’t back up your statements, and you hardly even try to get me back. That’s okay with me. you go your way, and I’ll go mine.

I was really fucked up. At first I feel as though it's my fault. Feeling like nothing, and so close to falling apart. But in time, I come to realize that I did nothing wrong; that it's his loss, that I am so much better without that one boy who didn't ever care. I live and I learn, that's how it is. I'm over him.
I’ve got a life waiting for me.

It's been almost two months on my own, and I don't think that anything anybody could say could make that fact go away.


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7 comments:

Michael said...

Sarah-

You're right. Nothing will change it.

You're better now, and you'll keep getting better.

It may never entirely stop hurting. But it will fade. Someday you'll wonder, "What did I see in him?"

Give yourself time.

pinkapplecore said...

Every day I think of things I could have done differently or change...or maybe have done at all.

You deserve so much dear, I hope you know that.
xoxo

Christy said...

Oh I've been there. Time really does heal everything though. You'll be ok =)

Adele said...

oh dear i hope your heart feels better soon (: enjoy your singlehood! you deserve it (: xo

Andhari said...

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. After a huge disappointment you must feel, the last thing you need is his symphaty. I usually block my ex until I feel normal again.

tera said...

I've never understood why people can't just be upfront and honest about this stuff. It's the games I hate.
I had a boyfriend who dumped me 2 weeks after a car accident that almost killed me. No explanation and he was wishy washy about the whole thing. Found out later he had knocked up some other girl.
What I love is that it has been 10 years, I've been married for 7 and am very happy. He's married "knocked up girl" and they are now divorced, he got re-married, and yet I've seen him around town with someone who is definitely NOT his wife. What a loser. And good riddance.

Have faith. It will get better!

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

"Do you ever wish that you could just erase something from your mind.... and pretend that it never happend? Or just press a rewind button and make it so that it never did?"
UM YES! I know everyone will tell you... don't worry you will feel better.

you will.

but it takes time. Just being honest. Until then GO GET SOME ICE CREAM :) &your buds to attempt to keep it off your mind.

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