Monday, July 13, 2009
Oh Monday, how I hate you.
I do. Im not gonna lie... probably the worst day of the week. Although today is quite boring since there is ABSOLUTELY no one else in the office right now since everyone is in training. So its pretty quiet, but bad quiet. The phones haven't rang ONCE. And I want to go get lunch.. but I can't. Because no one is here!
On the brighter side, it was gorgeous out all weekend and I tried to spend as much time outside as possible, although I did not go to the beach or the pool and layout, which is what I really wanted to do.. so that kind of sucked. But other than that it was beautiful.
T and I went to the park yesterday and walked around the river and stuff and sunbathed a little bit on the top of the cliff. It was really nice. As soon as I get my NEW PHONE!!!!! (which i just ordered about 5 minutes ago and SHOULD have it tomorrow BIG CHEESE) I can actually take pictures and upload them from my phone because I will have a CAMERA! Who would have thought not having a camera on my blackberry would have taken a toll on my instant blogging LOL.
Unfortunately, as soon as we are done enjoying our nice outing, we go out to dinner and get into a fight. Of course right? Way to ruin a nice day. It was obnoxious and basically, he really needs to stop taking out his anger from other people on me. Ridiculous. It made me so sad. We have only been back together for not even a week and we're fighting. WTF. I am just sad, it makes me really unhappy that we fought like that our some bullshit that he takes the wrong way and sees it in a completely different light than I do. I just dont get it. No matter HOW I act in a situation, he will still find some way that I am actually wrong and should have done it another way.
All during this fight I am thinking about how I really need to make moves in my life. I need something to happen. I feel stuck and stranded in a shitty position in my ever boring life. I have had the same job for 3 years, same boyfriend for 3 years, same but different apartments, same boring life with added vacations, same clothes, same hairstyle. Same EVERYTHING.
I am sick and fucking tired of it. And I need something to change. I don't know what to do. I mean i was about to make a change in my life and then I stopped it so i am fully responsbile for that and am sort of regretting it. But I feel like the bigger picture behind what I did was revolving around another person and I didn't want it to be becuase of that, so that is why I went back so I could make this about me.
I mean, I am learning NOTHING in my job now. NOTHING. I do the same shit for the same people who still dont give a crap about me whatsoever. I deal with asshole clients who have no money and we have to force them to advertise with us and then get blamed because the economy is shitty. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO! Then I have to rely on other peoples motivation to work in order for me to make any bonus. It's just such crap, its unbelieveable. So I have basically given up and stopped working for the most part because I dont care anymore. And that makes me sad because I am a hard worker and like to do work!
I was considering quitting my job and going back to school full time to bang out my teaching degree by next summer. But I still dont really know if I want to be a teacher. I do and I dont. There are so many pros that it outweighs my reason of not doing it because I want to stay in the media field and I feel like I would be sort of "settling" if I just went and became a teacher.
I guess I just feel like I am not in control of my life anymore and it is making me feel sad and depressed and I need something to happen for me to get out.
I need an exit plan.