Sunday, May 10, 2009

Where You Are.


What do you do when everything in your life seems to not be as perfect as you once thought it was? 

That you feel like your time is wasting away every day and that you are pushing yourself farther and farther away from your dreams and where you should be at this point in your life?
That people aren't as they seem and maybe your mind isn't as made up as you thought it was?
That there is a reason why you meet certain people that throw you off your so-called "perfect path" in which your dull life was taking its toll? 
Like you are stuck in a deep hole and not sure how to get out? Start digging or scream?



You think you are set and then life and turns you inside out. 
Is this a quarter life crisis? If that is even real. A change of heart? Fore seeing into a not-so-bright future? 
Or is this just a phase, will it pass? 



If it were only that easy.


I like to believe that I am a mature person, that I know what I want, that I can make decisions for myself and what is best for my life. I can, I do, and I continue to. But sometimes, when the choice is really hard and confrontational, I cramp up.  Comfortability in life fucks with me and I get scared of change. Although I am not actually scared of change. So what am I so afraid of?


Someone once told me "never let go of who you used to be"
 -- goes great with my life contemplations right now because I have given up a lot. 

I have changed myself; maybe for better, maybe for worse. Who really knows the answer to that. I have been with people who didn't like ME for ME. You either like it OR you don't there is no  .. "wellll i think you're pretty but I hate that you sleep late" NO -- you get both! 

I believe I have changed for the better, I have become a better person than I once was.  But here I am, in a predicament. 
What happened to that independent person that I once was? She was beaten down to the ground by selfish greedy people who knew how to play the system. 

Why am I so scared to change? I have done it more than once. Dropped everything and bounced. But for different reasons. Maybe I don't have all the right answers  -- Maybe I never will. But I can't wait for it to come to me -- it might be too late.

...And I can't help but to dream... of where life could be and how sweet...  



Photobucket

18 comments:

pinkapplecore said...

I try to make the safest, little after consequences, choices I can make. Some times I really despise my self for it. That I should go out and dye my hair an outrageous color or get an apartment even if I thought I for a second there might be a chance I would be kicked out and have to go back to my dad's. I always no matter the situation think of all the possible outcomes before deciding. Sometimes I wish I would just take the plunge and do something crazy. Then later I think that when I get older i'll appreciate it...who knows...i don't.

the girl in stiletto said...

whether you've changed for better or for worst, you're the only person who can know that. there are times when you experience the epiphany but that doesn't mean you have to decide. my life is so imperfect in so many ways, but when i compare my life to the unfortunates, i feel rather grateful to live this imperfect life. that's how i keep on going.

nicole addison said...

quarter life crisis-- i have been feeling that lately too. i doubt our circumstances are the same but i've gone thru a lot in my life in the last few months that have made me question every single thing you just mentioned. i've had to let some "friends" go and just learn to deal with the fact that not everything was as i thought it was. and then..i know it SUCKS.. but no matter how low life CAN be...it always gets better. and eventually you'll look back and realize it made you a stronger person. enough of my therapy talk for the day... but i hope everything gets better. know you're not the only one!!

remember moments said...

Like you are stuck in a deep hole and not sure how to get out?

That is exactly how I feel!!

Socially Conscious Darling said...

I think a lot of us feel like this. It seems to be common. I know exactly what you are talking about.

smile steady said...

My quarter life crisis sneaks up on me from time to time, too. I want to make sure I am on my way to where I want to be, and I think it's good to stop and re-evaluate sometimes. And don't worry- change is good.

M.J. said...

Yes, yes and yes. I totally feel the same way about life choices. For every choice I make, I think about what I've forgone. What if I had just stayed in Costa Rica? What would I be doing now? What if I didn't have Jack? Would I find love in foreign romances? Would it be love, like the kind in fairy tales? What if I'd gone to art school? What would I be doing now? Would my life be more fulfilling?

Like you, I feel like I may never have the answers....I can only hope to be content in the way my life has and will turn out.

KekeLynn said...

Great post! That pretty much sums up how I feel about the direction and my life right now. Quotes are great.

Children of the Nineties said...

It's always so refreshing to see that there are so many other people out there who feel the same way. I don't know if the quarter-life crisis thing is real, but I certainly feel this way a lot of the time. I hate feeling like there's no way to know if I've taken the right opportunities.

The good thing is, we're young and we have plenty of time to make changes. At least that's what I keep telling myself as I try to make it through another workday!

The Novelista Barista said...

Thanks everyone for ur great comments :) I truly appreciate it... Sometimes its hard to talk to people who know way too much about tbe situation and in a way become bias.

I hope i find the right answers... :/

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I don't think we can ever know if we are headed in the right direction unless we take time to reflection on where we have been and where we are going. It seems like you are doing just that.

You'll find your way. It is more a matter of when, not if.

-Francesca

Andhari said...

I positively think I'm in that crisis, I'm so willing to get out of the same circle and cant wait to do and try new things to help me inspired a bit.

nicole addison said...

You should def see the movie ;) weekend rental I'd say!

Amanda said...

Great post...I know exactly how you feel too...

teasinglydiverse said...

Quarter-life crisis over here too! It comes in waves...most of the time I'm pretty sure of myself, but every so often I just have to stop and look around and ask myself, "Self, what in the world are you doing? Is this what you want to do? Really? Are you who you want to be?" More often than not there's not really a clear response!
Hope you find the answers or direction you need!

The Novelista Barista said...

Thanks! i hope i do too!

amindinmotown said...

Maybe it's all just part of growing up. We don't feel change happening, yet it does. Then we want to change and it's nearly impossible or we're afraid to do so. Be it physical, mental or emotional, we reach stumbling blocks as we continually develop.

Such is life ... and it's definitely not the fun part. Best of luck hun.

Des said...

Excellent post. You're saying something here that so many people can identify with. We all face that constant tension between who are and who we want to be. You're asking some very difficult questions here. But remember that at least your asking them of yourself. Some people don't and never grow because of it.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...