I Took Theraflu, Turns Out Im Pregnant
By Lauren at www.somewhinewithcheese.com
What a title for a blog post, am I right? Don’t worry, this post has nothing to do with Theraflu – or me being pregnant. I just had to sneak this into my blog post for today, because I got my lijit search words report last night, and it turns out two people typed that into Google, and my blog popped up. I can’t decide if these people are blaming Theraflu for getting pregnant, or found out they were pregnant and worried Theraflu might affect their baby? Regardless, it made me think “thank god I’m not that idiot.” (My boss also just walked up behind me and we had a short work related conversation while this post was up. Im guessing he thinks Im a super idiot now as well).
On to my REAL post
When The Novelista Barista asked for guest bloggers, I JUMPED at the opportunity. I am in love with her blog and would be honored if she let me sit in on her world for a day. So when I emailed her saying “me me me!” I half expected a response like “so sorry, I’m at capacity!” (Not in a snotty way. More in a herblogisawesome way and anyone should want to guest post). But instead I get “Hey! Yah I do!! Can you send me something? Whatever you want to write is good! Send it over to me!”
Turns out her new job has got her all busy, and she needs something for tomorrow. And then I got nervous. WHATEVER I wanted to write. No direction. Someone is asking you to speak to her readers for them, and the world is your oyster. People who aren’t your followers will be reading. Wipe beads of sweat off your forehead Lauren and JUST DO IT. I tried to think of something inspirational. Something sweet. Something corny. Then I read her guest blog for Monday, and he wrote that he was inspired by fear. And so I decided to write my guest post on my recent fear.
WINTER. WHITE. SKIN.
I live in Southern California. Home to a dozen or so beaches, and if you don’t live by one there is a tanning salon in your backyard. No really, some people really do have them in their homes. I suffer from what I like to call winterskinflab. The kind of untoned muscle that looks better covered with a bronzed tan, almost unnoticeable, but once the winter hits, and the color goes away, it just looks like what it is – fat. Now I’ve been blessed my whole life with a kick ass metabolism. I don’t have to go on diets, or eat like a rabbit. But the older I get, the more I realized what my mom used to tell me is true. That one day flab will just start to stick to places. And this year, it’s sticking. I’ve also been blessed with lots o freckles and moles on my body, so baking my arse in a tanning bed is just asking for skin cancer. And I don’t have the time or energy to get myself “spray tanned” every 10 days. And lastly, I have not been blessed with that beautiful, milky white skin that redheads and towhead (real) blondes have, that look perfect when they are winter white. To prove my point (to only myself) I compared photos from this summer to this winter. I weigh the same, give or take a pound or two. The pictures from my Washington camping trip in July? I look good. Photos from Vegas this summer? Smokin hot if I do say so. Pictures from Thanksgiving? Me and the turkey share something in common. I look like I have wattle. Christmas? Bowl full of jelly. And New Years Eve? The shirt I wore was a bad choice, because I looked preggo, standing next to my REAL preggo friend, who looked smaller than me.
I just made an appointment at “Amazon Tan” to get spray tanned in the next few weeks. Because there aint no way in hell I’m walking down the aisle at my sister’s wedding looking like flabby casper. Fingers crossed I don’t turn out like this.