Thursday, September 17, 2009

Interactive Thursday!

Topic:

Do you talk to your ex's? Is it a good idea? Does it make it harder for you or if you are in a relationship now?





Mine:

Well..I do not talk to my ex's except for one.

My high school ex that was the first love of my life, we talk occasionally. It took a REALLY long time for us to be able to be civil to each other. We broke up when I went to college my freshman year, I remember screaming at each other in the hallway and I didn't care who heard me (I had been at college like a month--they musta thought I was nuts!) so we broke up and then he went and slept with his ex who he knew would make me REALLY angry. That was a nice break up (and the shorter version). But that was almost 7 years ago and now sometimes we hang out, go out to lunch or see each other at bars and talk like normal. I dont call him or anything though, but i'll talk to him on facebook and stuff like that.

But i do not talk to my most recent ex (T) and the ex before that, we'll call him J. Because J is a douche bag and doesn't deserve my time and T just plain won't talk to me right now.

I like to talk to my ex's for the most part though because they were such a big part of my life and I like to know how they are and if they are alive and stuff like that. I have a hard time letting go of people.

And you?!

Thoughts?! Comments?!


39 comments:

tfh. said...

Not at all. My ex was too much to deal with after we had broken up. While we were together, it was constantly emotionally and mentally abusive. When it ended, he still kept up with the emails, phone calls, and threats. This continued until I got married. Luckily, he lives in another country!

Sonja said...

Only one. We dated for 5 1/2 years and we literally grew up together. I've known him since I was 7 and he was 9. haha
We broke up a year after highschool and tried getting back together the summer before I met my husband. but it just wasn't working. We still talk on occasion. He's one of my best friends & I don't think that would ever change.
My husband now understands that aswell but he knows I wouldn't just go hang out with D by myself. I wouldn't disrespect my hubby that way.

I think it's good to stay cordial with some of your exes! It takes too much energy to be hateful & bitter.

Except one that I hate. truly truly hate. hahaha

Liz in DC said...

I talk to most of my exes. My first boyfriend was my childhood friend, so I don't see why not. My ex-fiance and I were best friends before we dated, and we are finally at the point of being friends again. And my most recent ex and I are friends- though we keep it very distant. There's only one ex I won't speak to, but he was psychotic and almost got slapped with a restraining order, so good reason. And my current boyfriend is not the biggest fan, but he trusts me so he's okay with it. However, my ex that I'm barely friends with now was not a fan of it when we were dating, at all, and was very jealous. I think it's a case by case and personal issue.

Dana said...

I talked to my high school ex boyfriend for a few years after we broke up. Like you he was my first love. For the most part it was a civil break up. Then I started dating my "crazy ex" and I wasn't allowed to be friends with guys anymore - didn't matter if they were ex boyfriends or not. During the 3 years we dated we broke up at least 2 times a year and the final break up was NOT civil. Among other threats, he broke into my house and started a fight with the guy I was dating at that time. I actually have an order of protection against him so we do NOT talk. The most recent ex? I don't know that I'll ever be able to talk to him. It was a pretty civil break up - no fighting or anything but I really see no point in talking to him. It would be too painful. It's been 2 weeks and I haven't as much as sent him a text. Some things are just better when they are done cold turkey.

KekeLynn said...

Since I seemed to only date total jerks and cheaters, NO I do not talk to any of them anymore...

Kym said...

the only ex i talk to is one from high school... we're both dating other people now but him and my current bf even talk about cars and other manly things together. haha! ;P i dont find it awkward at all... i may even invite him to my future wedding. who knows :)

The Novelista Barista said...

ah i hear all those... i dont think i would ever invite my ex to my wedding though...!

Fidgeting Gidget said...

Nope. Haven't seen any of them again. The big one is the ex I dated for 4 years...we haven't spoken in five years. Now, if you'll remember, I married my ex's brother's brother in law, so I share nieces and nephews with the ex, and I've seen the rest of his family since, but not him. It will happen one of these days and even though it's been so long and we're both happily married now, I'm sure it will be W.E.I.R.D.

Rachel said...

I personally think it's a really bad practice to talk to an ex. I mean, you had an intimate relationship with these people and even when you "get over them" there really is no way to be friends... or at least not friends that say more than "hello."

And honestly it is quite hard to move on to a new relationship if your ex is always talking to you. My boyfriends ex was talking to him for a long time and I had to put a stop to it cause it was practically LIKE they were dating just from the conversations.

The Novelista Barista said...

eek! yeah i hear that.... i have a crazy story with my ex's ex... ill save that for a later date though!

Andhari said...

I don't talk to my exes that much, I only talk to those who have brief relationship with me and casual break ups. But if the history is too hurtful then I just don't . I definitely don't talk to exes who were cheating on me too, as a matter of fact.

ps. Love the first picture! LOL

Amber said...

I don't but it's more that we don't move in the same circles anymore and never have a reason/chance to. I would talk to any of them if I ran into them (except maybe for the one crazy one), I just don't go out of my way to.

Stephanie said...

I don't talk to my exes reason being they are an ex for a reason :) clearly something went wrong and wasn't working out so I just dont talk to them

Ali said...

I have a really hard time letting people go too, but I learned the hard way that you can't just be friends with an ex right after you break up with them.

I mean, of course there are the exceptions but as a general rule, I've learned that it's pretty damn hard.

The Novelista Barista said...

lol totally true!... friendship / ex' ==usually doesnt happen

.:*aMbAr*:. said...

I'm with Ali, it's real hard to be friends right after the breakup. But I do talk to my ex's except the one before my current bf. He just won't talk to me for no apparent reason. Whatevs. I'm still friends with my other ex- and the one from high school, and I think it's so easy because it has been so long.

The Girl of Make Believe said...

Nope, I don't talk to any of them. Didn't have easy break-ups and don't live near any of them so we went out seperate ways!

Actually my first 'real' bf I still see now and again and we spoke for the first time in four years, a few months ago, he tried hugging me and asked if we could meet up but that so wasn't happening!


The Novelista Barista said...

LOL oh god.. thats bad news!

My Wooden Heart said...

I do no talk to any of my ex's. They are not worth my time.

GARF said...

I dont think i would like to. I dont and neither shall I. true that they must have been a part of ur life but i feel they aren't anymore for a cause. It all depends on the cause. Anyways..i dont have any... :)

SimplyValorie said...

I talk to all of my exes except one and that's because I want to punch him in the face every time I so much as remember he exists. Yeah, he was a douche. But everyone else, yeah, we're on pretty good terms. :]

OceanDreams said...

It's been hard with my ex. I still stay in touch with him but because I was so madly in love with him it's been hard to stay too close bc I start missing him and wanting to be with him and I can't. It just would be too unhealthy of a relationship. So...I won't ever cut him out fully but at the same time I have to distance our talk time since I want to get closer and closer to my current bf. It's nice to hear that a lot of these girls still talk to their exes, because I get judged for it and it's hard not to keep them in your life (I was with mine for 5 years in college and HS). Good discussion question hun!

amindinmotown said...

I am friends with every ex-boyfriend I've ever had (all three of them, but I'm talking LENGTHY relationships). That's not normal, and I know that, but I guess I'm easy to stay friends with? I really don't know.

None of us broke up on bad terms or anything. It was all very friendly and I suppose that made it easy to talk on occasion. I mean, even my ex of over three years who I lived with, who I moved to NC with, we're still great friends. But I guess it all depends on the persons involved, the relationship and how it ended...

I will add I wasn't really friends with any of these guys before we dated. Not sure that makes a difference, but thought I'd mention it.

The Novelista Barista said...

awe man that sucks oceandreams, i hear u on that :(

The Novelista Barista said...

amindintown that is amazing!!!! that like never happens!

shansPLC said...

i totally agree with you!! i have three ex bf's from serious long term relationships and they were all such a huge part of my life and I shared so much of myself with them that it feels unnatural to just shut that/them out. it would be like discarding a piece of who I am too if i don't speak to them. But perhaps it's easier for me to say that because they all live in a different state from me. LOL!

Ida Nielsen said...

Nope, I don't really talk to any of my exs but I think that's mostly due to me literally living on the other side of the world...makes it a little harder to keep contact with everyone back home ;-) This topic somehow reminds me of the movie 'Two Days in Paris' where Julie Delphy says to her current boyfriend: 'Yes, I'm friends with all of my exes. I'd like to be your friend when we break up....IF we break up"....haha. If you haven't seen it, you must...It's so funny!!

The Novelista Barista said...

LOL i have to see that movie! sounds funny!!

~**Dawn**~ said...

I think it depends on the relationship & why it ended. I mean, I have dated a couple of people that we were just better suited as friends (ie not a smidgen of romantic spark it turns out) but for the most part, I don't really have that much to say. I do have to remain civil & polite to my most recent ex as we share a god child & quite a few mutual friends, so we are often at some of the same events (god child's birthday party, weddings, etc) but other than that? Got nothing to say.

Melanie's Randomness said...

Well I try not to talk to them, I've had such bad breakups or rather non-breakups so when they stop talking to me I realize oh...I guess we broke up but they aren't man enough to tell me. I do talk to one ex on aim every other month or so cuz ironically we are kinda friends now but we never see each other. I think that might be the catch. I talk to them but I never see them. My ex that I'm still in love with, we became friends and it has been a mess ever since the day i met him and it's still going on. Everytime he gets a new gf we stop talking but then he always weasels back to talking to me. It's a vicious cycle between him and me and I keep trying not to talk to him but it happens anyway. Sry Im rambling. the talking issue totally depends on the relationship & the breakup i think.

sub_par said...

I spoke to my most recent ex for a while, but it became like I wasn't letting him go. I found that I wasn't moving on b/c we were friends and I expected to get back together with him. It wasn't healthy. I don't speak to any of the rest of them, there's a reason why it ended. I leave it at that.

Michael said...

Excellent question.

I have recently reencountered a former girlfriend, one of the two really major ones, on Facebook.

My wife does not know.

I do this for a couple of reasons-my wife is unusually jealous, and would almost certainly overreact.

The second reason is more selfish-I want there to be a part of me that she doesn't know and understand.

My ex is in Minnesota now (hundreds of miles from me) and is happily married. There is literally no chance of getting back together. Yet I feel compelled to keep this secret.

Funny.

The Novelista Barista said...

@michael, hmmm... well i could see why,, i can understand that... sometimes u feel like u need something to urself when ur married... i have heard that before.

Jaime said...

Almost every relationship I've been in that's ended we always say initially we will stay friends but it never happens. But they've all sorta been different reasons,
Ex 1- Was crazy. Couldn't handle being just my friend AT ALL.
Ex 2- He borrowed A LOT of money from me and refused to pay me back after we broke up. I eventually realized he was a piece of shit and no longer have contact with him.
Ex 3- Left me for another girl and broke my heart, so needless to say I couldn't be his friend.

I heard a quote once about exes being friends, I don't remember exactly how it went but it was something about how if it was real love then it's almost impossible to stay friends, but if it wasn't, then a friendship can work. I agree for the most part, I feel like both people have to be 100% over the other one for a real long-term friendship to work.

The Novelista Barista said...

jaime... that quote seems to be pretty correct.... unless they were total scum bags,,, then that changes things!

Dara Laine said...

I only talk to one ex. And we were more friends than anything else anyway while we were together.

We talk less now because he moved away and is engaged. So, yeah. haha

jessilynyoo said...

I don't talk to my ex because he was the love of my life and broke my heart for no reason. We were together all four years of college and had made plans together for our future. A month after graduation, he called me and ended it over the phone (we were apart for the summer). No explanation whatsoever.

He told me he wanted to remain friends, and actually said that he would not allow me to cut him out of my life. He called me once after the breakup but I did not pick up. We are not friends. I can't believe the cruelty that exists in this world - that one person can hurt another person so much without so much as a thought. To this day, he believes he did nothing wrong.

Just the bond that we shared, the connection we had...it was incredible, through the good and the bad. We could have had such an amazing future together. And he ended it.

And I don't think I can ever forgive him for doing that to us.

Jackie said...

I only have one ex-boyfriend, and I consider him my first love. We broke up a few days before I started my freshman year of college. I think we knew the break up was inevitable. But that didn't make it any easier.

After we broke up, the ex turned into a mind-fuck (pardon the language). But, he was truly manipulative and made me feel like a worthless pile of crap.

It's been...about three years now. I've received a call once or twice from him. And I've received e-mails from him once or twice too.
I'm in a relationship, so the occasional phone calls make my boyfriend feel uncomfortable.
But, I decided it was best for me to not try and reach out to him less for my boyfriend and more for my own, personal reasons. I think we're capable of being civil to each other. I might go as far to say we'd be able to enjoy each others' company. But, I have no desire to actually talk to him. He let his true colors show in the years that we've been apart, and his life(style) is not something I want to be apart of. I've lost a lot of respect for him, and he's just "tool" in my book now.

This is a really interesting question. Of everyone I know in real-life, I'm the only one who doesn't talk to their Ex. Makes me feel like I did something wrong. But, after reading these comments and seeing there ARE others who don't communicate with their exs makes me feel not so dysfunctional!

The Novelista Barista said...

LOL Jackie u are not dysfunctional! alota people dont talk to their ex's!

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