Thursday, February 11, 2010

Not Being Able to Help Sucks

Lately there are a lot of my friends who have been down and depressed, each for their own reasons and they are all completely different.

I am trying really hard to be the good friend and telling them what they need to hear and being there for them and doing as best as possible to help them so they dont have to be in pain anymore.

And the worst part is, nothing I say actually matters. I'm not saying they don't appreciate it, they just don't listen. But then again, I probably wouldn't listen either. And I am sure it's frustrating to my friends as it is to me when they can't help me.

And then sometimes I get too involved and feel like I might be going overboard with what I say. So then I end up feeling like the asshole and that I was being mean.

But somethings people need to hear what they don't want to hear right? I am supposed to be the one to tell them the things that are ugly and brutal and suck really bad and just want to forget. I am supposed to remind them so they don't forget why they shouldnt go back. Right? Is that not what I am supposed to do?

Sometimes I am not sure... I know I am glad now that I had people to tell me when something was really messed up and that I had to remember what it was REALLY like... because I was so blinded by sadness that I just didn't want to be sad anymore.

Does that happen to you? Being blinded by sadness that you would do anything, ANYTHING to make it go away? Even if it was to go to something that was completely wrong for you?

I think everyone has.

It sucks to have to sit back and watch people torture themselves and not be able to help.

I am beginning to accept that some people just need to fall hard before they can get back up. I know that is what I did and I know that is exactly what people need but it is SO hard to sit there and just watch it happen. It's almost like I want to be like... WAKE THE FUCK UP!

But I can't... because the only way to walk away is to learn. And learning lessons like these, really hurt.

it's so frustrating :(



angel6033 said...

I hear you, it's like the snow and the cold weather have brought with it lots of sadness and bad things on people, many of my friends are also not feeling so great. I hate not being able to help out, but I suppose everyone has to learn and make their own errors. I have been harsh before and been honest, but I have foudn out that if the person does not want to face the ugly truth they won't listen and you just end up feeling like an ass. Anyway, I sure do hope that everyone gets back to their happier selves soon, and that you find a way to be helepful to your friends and not let it drag you down as well...

That Gal Kiki said...

"And the worst part is, nothing I say actually matters."

Trust me. From a gal who has suffered clinical depression; what you say does matter. There is just something that's not allowing them to move through it. It's not you.

You are a good friend to them. Just remember it's not about you. Be the shoulder, the voice, the repetitive therapist. It matters. :)

Ali said...

Oh, I know what you mean. I'm loyal to a fault. And I do mean a fault, because when I think one of my friends is hurting and/or making the wrong decision and about to get hurt, I do what I can to help. But sometimes, people have to learn on their own and pick themselves up. The most important thing is that you're such a wonderful friend. :)

celebrittany said...

you're being a good friend! they'll be thankful you've been there even through their worst days.

Amanda said...

My boyfriend sometimes shuts down and refuses to get out of bed. He says he's bored and sad, and gets upset when I relate it to the context of our relationship. If you ever find something to say that is helpful, please let me know.

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Raising my coffee cup to this. You are a wise young lady. I mean you have it really straight there in your head. It is gonna take you so many places, and protect your heart from so much hurt. One little piece of advice.
Glad to see you writing under this header again, guests were nice, but wow I missed my daily dose of the barista.

erin.patrice said...

hopefully things will work out soon. sometimes people just need to sit on things and sort through them in order to get past it. Just so long as you are there for them, lime i'm sure you are, things will start to turn around. stay strong! :)

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I'm with ya on that one, girl.

I've had it happen with various friends over the years--they're miserable and they can't figure out why, but it's because the reason they're miserable is so close to their faces they can't see it.

My latest issue is with my sister and her future husband---it's like watching a train wreck getting ready to happen, screaming at the top of your lungs for them to get out of the way, but the train's too loud and BOOM. Smashed. Nothing has blown up from it yet, but I just have a terrible gut feeling, and I'm the overprotective big sis. I have slowly realized that I just need to focus my energy on helping her through the hard times to cme.

Kirsty said...

My best friend suffered from depression and didn't tell me about it for weeks because he didn't want to "burden" me. I know how you feel when you say you feel helpless - there's no worse feeling. You'll find a way.


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