Thursday, October 29, 2009

BH Files - Friends, Lovers, Friends?

The Broken Heart Files- Friends, Lovers, Friends?

By Classroom Confessions (October 2009)

I met Manny* in the spring of 2008. Fresh out of a 4 year long college relationship, I was a single gal on the loose for the first time since I was 17. Single life was not something I knew much about, but I did know that at 22, I was all about hanging out with the friends.

Manny was a recent acquaintance of a guy I’d known for ages. The night I met him, I barely noticed since I was 1) intoxicated and 2) focused on a guy I’d invited for the night.

A few days later, I received a friend request from Manny on facebook. It took me a moment to remember who this guy even was!

Shortly thereafter, Manny began seriously hanging out with our group of friends. All. The. Time. He was cute! We quickly learned we had a lot in common, despite our almost 10 year age difference. Plus, the man didn’t look a day over 26. He had just retired from the Air Force due to medical reasons and was back in Miami after 6 ½ years in the service.

Soon, we were inseparable. With a shared love of photography, salsa dancing, and World or Warcraft; we spent almost every hour of the day together that I wasn’t at work.

The summer of 2008 brought us even closer together. Without the daily time constraint of teaching, Manny and I did everything together, including taking my first trip to Washington, D.C.

In Washington, Manny and I quickly became more than friends. On our 3rd night there we got mildly tipsy at an Irish Pub and ended up making out later on in the night. Throughout the trip, we were very couply, but nothing was official yet.

When we got back, I immediately left to St. Thomas, USVI with my two best girlfriends for a week. The entire time I was gone, Manny called and texted me several times a day every day. Still, I wasn’t sure exactly where I stood with him. I knew we were best friends and that we’d made out a few times, but we still hadn’t had that relationship talk.

Well have it we did when I got home a week later. My best friend had officially become my boyfriend and I couldn’t be happier.

Our love continued in an almost dreamlike fashion for just shy of a year. He was so honest and loving… it seemed too good to be true. I was so apprehensive in the beginning that I asked him constantly why he was with me and if he was sure. He spun stories of our future lives together and I believed him. I believed him because he was so much older; I figured he must be ready for all the things he talked about.

We even took our mutual love of photography further by starting a photography business together.

Shortly after our one year anniversary, things started to fall apart. We stopped having sex completely. I chalked it up to a bunch of things that were going on in both our lives, but I should have known. There was a week and half long period where he showed no affection toward me. No hugs, no hand holds, he wasn’t even nice.

In September 2009, we took a trip to Tampa for the long weekend. I knew that something needed to happen on this trip or we were doomed for sure.

The trip wasn’t horrible, I think we both had fun, but it was obvious that for him, the spark was no longer there.

Still, two more weeks went by before we randomly decided to talk about it. I stopped by his house on my way home on the premise of only staying a half hour since it was late. Suddenly I was talking without being able to stop. Asking him why he seemed so distant and why he had no desire to have sex with me, etc. He finally admitted that although he loved me dearly, he was not in love with me anymore.

I wish I could say it was shocking but it wasn’t. It just hurt like hell. He said he wanted to go back to the way things were before, when we were just friends. It’s been three weeks and I still haven’t figured out how to just erase a year of everything we shared.

He keeps texting me, wanting to hang out. We are in constant communication. Adding to everything is the fact that he is suffering from depression right now, and a huge part of me holds on to the idea that if he can get out of it, he might come back to me.

It’s stupid I know, but these are the BH files and my heart is still very, very broken.

**if you would like to contribute your broken heart story, photo, lyrics, anything... please email me at**



مى said...

This is a good idea. To share such stories and maybe try to help each other cope. I've never really let anyone in so I wouldn't know. Your blog is a favorite of mine. :)


Jennifer Fabulous said...

Oh gosh. That "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" line kills me every time. It's like a stab to the heart. :(

nicole addison said...

:( thats confusing. maybe she's right that if this whole depressin thing wasnt going on he'd be his normal self. but at the same time.. for her to wonder shouldnt even happen. she should be treated right and have someone who knows how lucky they are. good luck to her. hope everything works out for the best.

Melanie's Randomness said...

I'm in a similar situation. Friends, non-friends, friends, non-friends,'s a mess. I want him in my life yet it hurts to be just friends after everything. He wants to chill but I just can't. He broke my heart. I hear ya on it. It does get easier with time...i think? =)

angel6033 said...

Oh girl, I don not know you but I can relate to your story. I know the pain that comes from a relationship ending, it is never easy specially when the lines remain blurred by "friendship" or communication even after the fact that it is suppose to be over. I thank you for sharing your story, I enjoyed reading your blog...I am in limbo right now with a guy, he says he loves me but is not ready to commit to anything, makes sense right??? AHA!

Kimberly said...

This is very confusing. I wonder if he is feeling confused because of his depression, and does not know how to deal with it? I feel so bad. IT made me really sad when I was reading it...

.:*aMbAr*:. said...


I hate having something to hold on to. I always hate the "if's"


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