its only 1030 and i wish it was over.
i started thinking about T this morning for no apparent reason and i stupidly asked his friend about him to see if he ever asks about me and then we started talking more about the situation.
i told his friend that i still pay for his phone (sigh) because i havent had the guts to cancel it yet. So he told me I had to cancel it right away. I call verizon and they tell me that I have to pay $90 to cancel it or i can transfer it to him. I started to get really upset because I thought it would be much easier than that... which was dumb...obvi it wouldnt be.
I mean $90 isnt a lot.. its just that I am sort of stressing this whole paying for my expensive apartment thing and the fact that my job is up my ass and is trying to fire me some how. Its just too much. I get depressed as I drive to this place in the morning,, so it really ruins any chance of being happy the rest of the day.
Ugh.... I am torn.. I dont know what to do. I want to cancel it but i dont...because that is like my final connection to him...and im so mad. Im so angry that it worked out this way. Im just angry at the fact that we didnt work out. And it was so close, but yet so far from being good and I hate being alone.. its so frustrating that i dont even know how to be alone because i havent nearly ever been.
What do I do people... any suggestions?
I am sure it will be to cancel the phone and eat the $90... ugh.... i am never moving in with someone again unless we're engaged. No freakin joke... never again... this has taken a huge toll on me.. more than i will ever let anyone see. But it has, and its killing me. I have to change the last thing in my life that is making me depressed so I can completely start over.