Tuesday, November 10, 2009

today sucks.

today sucks.
its only 1030 and i wish it was over.

i started thinking about T this morning for no apparent reason and i stupidly asked his friend about him to see if he ever asks about me and then we started talking more about the situation.

i told his friend that i still pay for his phone (sigh) because i havent had the guts to cancel it yet. So he told me I had to cancel it right away. I call verizon and they tell me that I have to pay $90 to cancel it or i can transfer it to him. I started to get really upset because I thought it would be much easier than that... which was dumb...obvi it wouldnt be.

I mean $90 isnt a lot.. its just that I am sort of stressing this whole paying for my expensive apartment thing and the fact that my job is up my ass and is trying to fire me some how. Its just too much. I get depressed as I drive to this place in the morning,, so it really ruins any chance of being happy the rest of the day.

Ugh.... I am torn.. I dont know what to do. I want to cancel it but i dont...because that is like my final connection to him...and im so mad. Im so angry that it worked out this way. Im just angry at the fact that we didnt work out. And it was so close, but yet so far from being good and I hate being alone.. its so frustrating that i dont even know how to be alone because i havent nearly ever been.

What do I do people... any suggestions?

I am sure it will be to cancel the phone and eat the $90... ugh.... i am never moving in with someone again unless we're engaged. No freakin joke... never again... this has taken a huge toll on me.. more than i will ever let anyone see. But it has, and its killing me. I have to change the last thing in my life that is making me depressed so I can completely start over.

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26 comments:

Kattrina said...

My suggestion: cancel the phone. If you need $90, I will send it to you. You are to special to pay for the phone of someone who didn't work out. I know your special and I hardly even know you.
Being alone takes practice, but it can be great. I was alone until I met my now-fiance. Good girlfriends are the key. Fabulous people who make you feel great about yourself, keep you busy on the weekends, and love you no matter what. And I joined things - like book clubs, yoga centers, running groups, etc. Now that I'm with someone, being alone would definitely be hard again. But I remember how happy I was then, so I know that after a while it would be ok. Alone can be good. And you're never really alone.
And crappy jobs totally suck. They completely ruin your life. I've cried myself to sleep on numerous occasions in the past month because of job-related misery.
But please be happy. You are amazing. I promise.

P.S. I can't wait for my scarf!!!! I'm sending your card today. Did you get your scarf yet? Remember, don't open it. :-)

Abrazos,
kattrina

Sara said...

I am sorry you are going through this :(

I don't know if I have any advice to give you but I am sending good thoughts and positive energy your way, okay?

M.J. said...

Cancel the phone. Money and things are not worth mental anguish.

Mandy Kay said...

can you transfer it to him easily? i would do that! screw having to pay any more money on him! and i hear you about the job. i've been unhappy at mine for almost 5 years now, but it's SO HARD to find something else right now, esp. in my field. ugh.

Kimberly said...

If having the phone transfered to him is easy, then I would do that first. If that means you have to contact him then I would maybe just send him a text message or email that says you are no longer paying for his phone bill and that he needs to contact them to have the phone bill transfered to his name. Tell him if he chooses to delete your email or ignore your text messages, his phone will be cancelled. It's no longer up to you to pay for it.

Stephanie said...

IF its easy to transfer phone into his name do that. I agree with Mandy. But if not for sure pay the 90 dollars and get him outta your life. You dont deserve to keep paying for someones phone who you aren't with anymore.

Stephanie said...

Not to mention what kind of man would just let you keep paying for his phone! so immature and disrespectful ...ok sorry im done

K13 said...

Totally cancel the phone. he is dead weight on your mental health right now. crappy jobs suck...i'm sorry yours is draining you. if you've never been alone for long, it might be just what the doctor ordered. invest in YOU. relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be anyway. enjoy some alone time.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. Men suck. I put myself in your position and yeah, would cringe every time someone would tell me to pay the 90 bucks and move on. It's not that easy. The final cut is always the hardest.
But here I am, on the other side, telling you the best thing is to pay the 90 bucks and get him out of your life completely.
You deserve better and you will find a great guy down the road. You just need to move on first.
E-mail me if you ever need to talk!

Miss Mercedes said...

I'm with Kimberly. Let him know he needs to transfer it to his name or it will be disconnected. I'd give him a date. For example if the phone is still on your bill for a full month in advance when you get the December bill, you'll call to cancel it. This is his call...he can keep it and pay for it or you can disconnect it.

This may feel like a connection to him (and I understand why it does), but it really isn't a connection if you're not talking to each other on it. Instead of a connection, it is a way for him to use you. And I'm with EVERYONE here when they say you are WAY too special for that! You can think of the $90 as a problem because of your new apartment...or you can think of it as a one time payment rather than a consistent monthly payment for as long as he's willing to use you. That choice is yours...

Much Love,
Mercedes

Meghan said...

I just found your blog, and I simply adore it. I am sorry you are going through such a painful experience. I agree with everyone else - cancel it! You don't deserve to let this ruin your days! I hope everything works out!

OceanDreams said...

Definitely cancel the phone even though I completely understand it is the last least, that has got to be tough and I know how hard it is to let go. But you need to heal and find a job and friends that make you truly happy, this all takes time, I am not telling you to rush, but the longer you draw things out (believe me I drew out my pain for a year or more) the longer it will take to heal. Hope you feel better soon! XO!

nicole addison said...

you.
it makes me sad that you had a bad day. im giving you a hug.. you cant see it or feel it but i am.

ok.. i dont know if youve talked to him, or how hard ti would be if you texted him.. (ive always sucked at the whole.. never talk to them again thing) maybe asking him would clear things up..let him know you want to transfer it and give him a heads up. maybe itll also clear the air and you can just check in on each other to make sure your ok. im so so sorry hun. you know where to find me if you need to talk. xoo

mysterg said...

You already know the answer but it's just having the strength...you have that also, even if it may not seem that way right now x

Andhari said...

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I say cancel too. You need to move on completely, beside the money could be turned into a nice new piece of clothes or two.

ps. good call on not moving with someone unless you;re engaged. valuable lesson, I agree with that completely.

pinkapplecore said...

Please cancel it! You will feel so much better when you do. We are all here for you. <3

Ana from far away! said...

It´s hard to let it go, but is the only way to get over it. I was also scared when I stopped talking to my exboyfriend, I had the worst time, but after a week of not answering the phone or text messsages, everything started to feel better. You can do it! I would pay the 90$ and move on.

.:*aMbAr*:. said...

Dudeeeeee cancel that thing NOW!!!! and then charge him those $90

so sad that your day sucked :/ tomorrow will be better, promise ;)

Kristin said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I once was in the exact same position. Phone issues and all. I can say that it really does get better!

Nahl said...

Aww I'm sorry you're hitting the lows.
One thing to remember is that it's always going to pass,whatever it is. Wait for that.

GARF said...

You already got so many suggestions that i don't think its any useful and after all, you pretty sure know what needs to be done and what you would eventually do.
Nez...i feel..had i been there in ur shoes..i would have kept the connection...somethngs mean and feel more than anythng else. I would have kept it. :)
And job...oh my...dont say that....i am in that mud myself...and its the same story...all that elates me is the thgt and motive to try somethng different at the same place or try the same at a different place. Good Luck!!!

مى said...

I say, cancel it. And move on. And be happy! Please be happy, don't stress over things you cannot change. Stay positive(:

amindinmotown said...

You said it in that last sentence, and you should cancel the phone. It's a tie to him you simply don't need, especially if you're hoping to or trying to move on.

classroomconfessions said...

I'm so sorry!
I still have a bunch of stuff at my ex's house because I spent nearly every weekend there. It has been more than two months and I haven't gone to get it :(

Luna said...

you dont need to go through this crap. i say cancel the phone. i agree, people shouldnt move in together unless they've been together for a while or are engaged as you said.

nessabirdie said...

Everyone has been commenting but I would say cancel the phone. Janet Jackson asked once upon a time, What has he done for you lately? I mean what's the worse that could happen? You move on? Doesn't seem too bad to me!

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